something about people, and their plans

for some people, plans are important. and for some others, they prefer living spontaneously.

for me? i'm a plan-ny person. i tend to plan my life, either short or long term. sometimes things happen not according to the plan, or even with no plan at all. but that's out of the plan, beyond my reach. sometimes, the whole plan has to change, because of a reason.

take one example, from the movie Life As We Know It. Holly and Messer, they had their own plans: Holly with her bakery and charming doctor and Messer with his TV thing and womanizing routines. but everything's screwed up when little Sophie comes to their lives because her parents died in a car crash. whether they want it or not, they have to include Sophie in their plans, and that pretty much changes everything. but at the end of the day, they realize that maybe those changes don't lead them to something they've wanted, but they lead to something they are supposed to be.

example two, myself. i planned to keep moving on, with my life, school, work, and from my ex. i promised myself to have everything back on track as i'd planned before: exchange, maybe some travelings, society service, graduate on time, job or master scholarship hunting, etc. until...something happened, something happened without any plan at all: i fell in love.

since i met this guy, i didn't plan to fall in love this soon, in fact, i didn't even know that i would fall in love at all, because i knew this was almost impossible! but now, things have been happening, and turns out, i love him. now, i know it, and i have to do it right. loving someone means willingly giving your heart, and it's up to them what they are gonna do with it. it means you're ready either to be hurt or healed. it means you're ready to sincerely sacrifice for them. it means you have to keep giving, even though they might not reciprocate. (at least that's what love means to me).

people can only guess, people can only plan, they know what they want, but never really know what they actually need, never really know what they are supposed to be. although now i'm starting my plans all over again, i must be ready when they might have to change for certain reasons, because i - we will never know.

Bali, and its memories

Sejak saat itu, hatiku tak mampu membayangkan rasa di antara kita..
di pasir putih, kau genggam jemari tanganku, menatap mentari yang tenggelam

Semua berlalu di balik khayalku, kenangan yang indah berdua denganmu
di Kuta Bali, kau peluk erat tubuhku, di Kuta Bali cinta kita...
bersemi dan entah kapan kembali, mewangi dan tetap akan mewangi
bersama rinduku, walau kita jauh kasih...

Suatu saat di Kuta Bali...

A quick getaway to Bali in the beginning of April, was a very first trip i didn't plan way before. It was a trip I really looked forward to but also a trip i wished i could push away at the same time. But guess what? I didn't care. The only thing i cared was i had to spend as much time as possible with you.


That night, April 3rd, my plane landed at Ngurah Rai Airport in Denpasar. I expected you to wait me there, but turned out I was the one who had to wait. I was exhausted, starved, and warmed over, and yet i still had to wait for you. For a second, i wanted to get angry and throw it all over you. But when i saw you came, guess what? Everything's wafted over me. The only thing i wanted to do was holding your hand along the way.


The next day, April 4th, we went on a long road trip on motorcycles with your, -who-became-my-, friends -too. we went to Tanah Lot, asked for blessing and spent sunset there. Pretty amazing. After dinner with Titus, your cool mate, three of us went to Kuta to enjoy the clear sky, full moon, warm breeze, and sea's salty aroma. It was very beautiful, didn't matter Titus was there, the only thing that mattered was we spent that lovely moment, together.


April 5th, another road trip to Ubud. A very intense trip, with many people joined, it was a bit tricky to be put up together. I was up the limit, i spat everything all over you, i cried and get angry, and you were the disposal. I acted stupid and irritating i knew, i was very sorry. I really wished i could turned back into those times and exchanged it for more happy time for us. I really wished i could exchanged every tear i shed for more laughter, and joyful hugs, and sweet kisses.


April 6th. We went back from Ubud to Denpasar area. We planned to do some stuffs but unfortunately, we always bailed. At the end, we almost missed the dreamland sunset, well in fact we did but we could still see it for a very short time. We went back to the hotel, you didn't look so well. You asked me to go out on a dinner for my birthday after we cleaned ourselves up. After you took a shower, you hugged me so tight, like you'd never let me go. I didn't know what was wrong until i heard you sobbed, you cried.
I went swimming then I saw you threw up, I was so scared and afraid. For a second i had no idea what to do. I gave you any kind of tablet that crossed my mind, i rubbed your stomach softly that you fell asleep. But i couldn't help myself not to cry. I didn't even care we didn't have dinner. I cried because you were sick but i had to leave very soon, so i couldn't take care of you, nobody could.


April 7th. I woke you up with my sobbing. it was 00.11. you forced yourself to wake up, calm me down, and wish me a happy birthday. you used the rest of your energy to look for a present you had prepared for me in your suitcase and give it to me. it was a balinese painting about a boy rowing a small boat to pick up someone smaller (not really clear if it's a boy/girl :p). you said, it was about a promise: you will pick me up and bring me to Germany. you told me that no matter how far, we would try to work this out together, and you told me that i was the reason why you cried before. we fell asleep holding hands. until the time for me to go had come. we went to the airport and waited for the plane. looked into each others' eyes as long as possible. and when the OTA finally called for me, i hugged and kissed you for the last time (not ever, hopefully) and whispered, wait for me in Germany, i love you. i turned my face and ran into the boarding gate. i cried in the plane while it was taking off, leaving bali, leaving you.

my heart is sinking as i'm lifting up above the clouds away from you
and i can't believe i'm leaving oh i don't know know know what i'm gonna do
but someday, i will find my way back to where your name is written in the sand...

i'd give away a thousand days oh just to have another one with you,
well real life can wait, we're crashing like waves, we're playing in the sand, holding your hand....

'cause i remember every sunset, i remember every word you said
we were never gonna say goodbye..
i remember how we first kissed, and how i didn't wanna leave your lips, and how i never ever felt so high... singing la da da da da~
tell me how to get back to, back to summer paradise with you, and i'll be there in a heartbeat