something about people, and their plans

for some people, plans are important. and for some others, they prefer living spontaneously.

for me? i'm a plan-ny person. i tend to plan my life, either short or long term. sometimes things happen not according to the plan, or even with no plan at all. but that's out of the plan, beyond my reach. sometimes, the whole plan has to change, because of a reason.

take one example, from the movie Life As We Know It. Holly and Messer, they had their own plans: Holly with her bakery and charming doctor and Messer with his TV thing and womanizing routines. but everything's screwed up when little Sophie comes to their lives because her parents died in a car crash. whether they want it or not, they have to include Sophie in their plans, and that pretty much changes everything. but at the end of the day, they realize that maybe those changes don't lead them to something they've wanted, but they lead to something they are supposed to be.

example two, myself. i planned to keep moving on, with my life, school, work, and from my ex. i promised myself to have everything back on track as i'd planned before: exchange, maybe some travelings, society service, graduate on time, job or master scholarship hunting, etc. until...something happened, something happened without any plan at all: i fell in love.

since i met this guy, i didn't plan to fall in love this soon, in fact, i didn't even know that i would fall in love at all, because i knew this was almost impossible! but now, things have been happening, and turns out, i love him. now, i know it, and i have to do it right. loving someone means willingly giving your heart, and it's up to them what they are gonna do with it. it means you're ready either to be hurt or healed. it means you're ready to sincerely sacrifice for them. it means you have to keep giving, even though they might not reciprocate. (at least that's what love means to me).

people can only guess, people can only plan, they know what they want, but never really know what they actually need, never really know what they are supposed to be. although now i'm starting my plans all over again, i must be ready when they might have to change for certain reasons, because i - we will never know.

i don't regret this life i chose for me

at some points in my life, i do feel that i was lucky (as in good lucky).

-first- during elementary school, i was a straight A's student, i never got down from my rank. 1 crown every year. my mom said it all was because i happen to be a nerd back then. i liked reading more than anything. i also won some art and academic competitions pretty often, so no wonder i became a favorite student.

..until the time had come for me to graduate and go to middle school. since i got pretty high grades, my parents gave me full 'authority' to choose whether i wanted to go to public or private school. i chose to go to public school although my primary school was a private one, and by all means i was 'forced' to get out of my comfort zone.

...if i had chosen private school, i wouldn't have to struggle so hard to adapt, i would have been able to maintain my top rank title, and so on...

...but i don't regret that i chose public school instead. i became somebody who's not afraid of trying something new, i became a brave and confident girl, and i became someone who can tolerate differences...

-second- i graduated middle school with outstanding grades, which gave me very easy path to be gotten in between 3 most favorite high school in the city. the first one is prominent in academic, the second one is popular among high class families, and the third one is prominent either in academic or non-academic, yet not considered as 'high class' school. i chose the third one although most of my mid-school mates went to the first or second one, which means i had to get out of my comfort zone, again.

...if i had chosen the first school, i would have been able to get in acceleration class, which could get me through high school in only 2 years. if i had chosen the second school, i could have gotten into the most popular kids community in town, and so on...

...but i don't regret that i chose the third school instead. it wasn't like i took everything for granted, but everything just ran almost so smoothly for me. i was able to explore and develop myself in my own way, i won some trophies, i met my first love, i was the prom queen, and i've got a lot of nice friends who wouldn't tackle you because they felt threatened by your intelligence, nor would bully you because you were a weirdo, nor would lick your ass for being so wealthy or popular. i got to become more myself

-third- i think luck played its biggest part in this moment. i tried to apply to three different 'ivy league' universities. after completed the admission tests, i happened to be gotten in two of them. the first one is like 'Indonesian Harvard' - the oldest and the most notable university, the second one is the most popular in the province, which almost all of my high school mates had always been dreaming of. eventually, i chose the first one although it means i had to move 300 kms away from my city and live alone by myself, get out of my comfort zone, over again.

...if i had chosen the second university, i could have been able to live easily in my parents' house, drive a car to school. i could've kept in touch with my high school mates and Mr. S, and so on...

...but i don't regret that i chose to go to my university now. i got to meet people from all over the country. i got bigger opportunity to join international events and experiences just like i always wanted. i got to be able to live independently, struggle and survive in someone else's city

-and now- i was selected to be the recipient of Endeavor Scholarship of Australian Government to do an exchange study in The University of Adelaide. which made me have to spend one semester in Adelaide and study in completely different system and environment, again, out of my comfort zone.

...if i had chosen not to go, i could've been able to take the same courses as my mates back home, be with them in study/task group. i would've been able to start my society service next year, together with my class year mates. and i would've been able to graduate on time, i could've still been able to eat cheap and yummy spicy food everyday, and so on...

...but i don't regret that i chose to go. i got to meet hundreds new friends from all over the world. i got the opportunity to deal with differences and diversities. i got to try new dishes from countries i never imagined of...Germany, Korea, Vietnam, Greece, Egypt, Portugal, France, Mexico, Country American, Indian, Carribean, etc...my mind has become more opened, more mature. i got to find myself, find out what i want, where i stand, and where i should go in life. i learned to struggle and survive in someone else's country, although it's always been so hard as hell.

you can always achieve more, if you're brave enough to get out of your comfort zone

life is all about choosing, not adding (Syafrizal, 2010), and i don't regret this life i chose for me :)

Dear Ms. September

it was 3 years ago, the first day i met her. we were in the same class of an English course. at first i didn't feel like we would get along much well. until we were a pair our teacher set us up, and he mentioned something: "you are a Chelsea fan? well she's too!". so this all began with one thing: mutual interest.

after all, the term ended. we decided to do something together to celebrate it. so we went to a KTV and did what should be done in KTV: singing (duh!). since that time on, we noticed that we had (and remain to this day) same 'taste' of music. so this all continued with one thing: mutual hobby.

day after day, time passed away..uh, no, that's westlife's song...so, day after day, we started finding out where each others stand up. we started feeling comfortable being with each other. we shared, we cared, we laughed, we cried, we...understood. although i had been completely childish, selfish, and stupid. although we were in different world (school and work). so this all still went on with one thing: mutual understanding.

we then realized that we had similar view on most things. we wanted (and remain to this day) similar things to pursue. so this all was followed by one thing: mutual dream(s).

so, consciously or unconsciously, we've constructed things. we found out things. we feel things. those things are: love, and caring.

yes, I do love you, my bestfriend

yes, I do love you, my sister

yes, I do love you, my partner in crime

you have been my role model, you made me a better (wo)man, and you made me believe in dreams, and their power. now that we are in the middle of pursuing them, i should add this: it all remains with one thing: mutual position --> we are in the same boat

i feel so lucky, i thank God for sending you into my life, and i thank you for being....you

Happy birthday, Ms. September.

i can't say my wishes for you here, i have too many, but that doesn't mean i don't really wish them right? which actually i really do. they're here in my heart...well, in my head actually, but yes...i sincerely wish, so...in my heart

i can picture ourselves 10 years from now, still the same us, just better life, and of course, happier :)

ps. wish i could hug you

with love,

Me

we jump higher and higher, holding hands

untitled

have you ever been in the middle of the crowds yet you still felt alone?

have you ever been brought somewhere by destiny yet then ended up by saying to yourself: this is not my world, i shouldn't be here?

have you ever realized that you don't belong somewhere?

have you ever done something really seriously, you sacrificed many things, yet you were not appreciated?

have you ever been betrayed by people you used to trust?

have you ever caused something wrong, then been blamed, yet you felt so depressed and treated unfairly because you thought it was not purely your mistake?

have you ever chosen a path that excited and amused you for a while, but in the end you realized it was wrong and you regretted it?

have you ever been trying to find some different places, but you kept being lost and lost again?

have you ever felt that the whole world just blamed you and had nowhere to run?

have you ever felt that bad things always happened to you, that made you ask: WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME??

I have, I have ever experienced all the things above.. I have stumbled, fallen.. I have been stabbed in the back, I have been pushed around, I have been hurt, I have been lost, I have been somewhere with no one's there for me..

Just some little experiences I guess.. Some stories to share, some stories about life, some stories about living in this simple life..

Yeah, it is so simple..

Sometimes it sucks, then you die.. so simple..

People are complicated. People make structure, make classes, make differences among them, yet they don't want to be differed in the end?

People are greedy and selfish. People keep telling others to care one another, to help, yet they are always stuck in their own world, mind their own business, blinded by the word: MYSELF?

People are lack of know-how. People study about paradigm, culture, religion, belief, norms, values, yet they keep insulting one and others? treating others badly? In the wrong way?

There are still many things I don't understand in this world, still many places I have never been to, still so many people I don't know..

But I believe, those little experiences I got, can make me stronger, can make me braver to face this world I know, can make me a better one..

"When we were five, they asked us what we wanted to be when we grew up. Our answers were things like astronaut, president, or in my case… a princess.

When we were ten, they asked again and we answered - rock star, cowboy, or in my case, a gold medalist. But now that we've grown up, they want a serious answer. Well, how 'bout this: who the hell knows?!

This isn't the time to make hard and fast decisions, this is the time to make mistakes. Take the wrong train and get stuck somewhere. Fall in love - a lot. Major in philosophy 'cause there's no way to make a career out of that. Change your mind. Then change it again, because nothing is permanent.

So make as many mistakes as you can. That way, someday, when they ask again what we want to be… we won't have to guess. We'll know." Jessica Stanley - Twilight Saga Eclipse (2010)

My Favorite Quotes

'love is sincerity, loving is happiness, and being loved is perfection .' (myself - 2007) 'cinta itu anugrah, ia adalah air sejuk di kala hatimu kering, ia adalah selimut di kala hatimu dingin, dan ia adalah bunga di taman hatimu' (myself - 2007) 'semakin sering jatuh , semakin tidak takut sakit' (Dao Ming Shi, Meteor Garden 2 - 2005) 'baru jadi manusia saja sudah sombong' (Karyo/Alm.Basuki, Si Doel Anak Gedongan - 2007) 'is it not enough, just to have a long and happy life with me ?' (Edward Cullen, Twilight - 2008) seseorang tidak akan pernah bangkit jika ia tidak pernah jatuh (take me out bachelor - 2009) 'kata orang, jomblo itu pertanda ngga laku, tapi kalo kataku, justru dari jomblo itulah kita bisa tau seberapa lakunya kita' (Rizky Irsandi - 2009) 'cost and worth are really different things' (Luke Brandon, Confessions Of A Shopaholic - 2009) '...cause i know, if i love you, then i should let you move on...' (Mike O'Donnell - 17Again, 2009) i would rather do nothing and be happy, than do something that i don't love (Jack Fuller, What Happens in Vegas - 2008) 'everything is insignificant, but it doesn't matter, at least you do it, because if you don't, who will?' (Tyler Hawkins, Remember Me - 2010) 'aku tidak ingin mengetahui lebih dari apa yg perlu kuketahui (Charlie Swan, Breaking Dawn - 2008) karena sesuatu yg tidak kauketahui tidak akan melukaimu (anonymous)' 'So, you were a friend of her grandmother's, or something like that?' 'Something like that' (The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, 2009) 'It's not kinda weird, right?' 'No, zero weirdness' (Twilight, 2008) 'my dream man is someone who is smart, sexy, never fails me, treats me like his princess, composes me romantic lullabies, sweeps off my feet and leads me up the stairwell. but, you're a lot better then that dream man, because you're real.' (myself - 2010. Inspired by: 500 Days Of Summer, 2009)

Life is So Hard

aku baru 17 thn lebih sebulanan hidup di dunia ini


selama itu, mungkin belum banyak orang yg aku temui, belum banyak tempat yang aku singgahi, dan belum banyak pengalaman yg aku alami .

tapi, untuk sementara ini, aku udah cukup sadar, waktu aku merenungi . . .

bahwa ternyata hidup ini keras .


nggak semua keadaan bisa sama dgn keinginan kita, nggak semua orang suka sama kita, nggak semua lingkungan pas buat kita .

atau yg lebih kasarnya :

nggak semua KEADAAN itu MUDAH
nggak semua LINGKUNGAN itu NYAMAN
nggak semua ORANG itu BAIK ...

pada kenyataannya,
orang yg baik, manis, ramah di depan kita, belum tentu kayak gitu di belakang kita .
recently, banyak kutemui orang spt itu . .

M U N A F I K

P E N J I L A T

P E N G K H I A N A T


i hope i won't have business with such people like that. . .

now, or whenever . . .

habis M.A.T.I S.U.R.I

waa, maaph maaph .


suuda 5 abad tidak update . .


yah,, i've been so much busy . .



selama itu banyak kejadian" yg terjadi, (ya iyalah)


ada yg :

- menyenangkan
- mengharukan
- menyakitkan
- membanggakan
- membingungkan

dll.

aku jd bisa lebih tau arti dan wajah kehidupan yg sebenarnya :

D I N A M I S

nggak akan kita bisa seneng terus, sedih terus, beruntung terus, sial terus . .
selalu berubah-ubah .

that's what life stands for . . .

contohnya aja,
sekarang ini aku lagi beruntung banget (lagi) dapet kesempatan stud.exchange ke luar negeri :

ke J E P A N G !!

wahh, aku atuuutt . . .
>.<

ok,, i gotta go (eating, haha)


so, si yu next posting !!!

hari terakhir lburan awl puasa..

"Aku bagaikan ada di saat yg terendah
menjadi bagian kisah terhempas dari cinta
Tersiksa cintamu yg tlah dinikmati orang lain
menjadi bagian tawa dan cemooh smua orang
dengarlah lagu dari orang yg tak mau putus asa
dengarlah lagu dari orang yg tak ingin dilupakan
Angkat kepala yg tertunduk malu terasa berat
kulawan sendiri ARUS KEMENANGAN orang lain
Menepis hari yg sediih...
yg membuatku lupa akan arti harga diri
caci makilah atau kau buat ku tersenyum
tuk hadapi kenyataan..
Menepis hari yg sedih bagaikan berdiri di tepi jurang batinku
doronglah aku atau kau raih tangan ini
tuk hadapi kenyataan.."

uh.. ngefans bgd ma tu lagu,, akhir" ini..
tak jadiin shotout-q, NSP-qu..
GUE BANGEEETTTT...!!!!

hari terakhir liburan,, seneng tapi juga sebel..
senengnya: bisa ktemu tmen" lg.., bsa skul lg (bc:ngabuburit)
sebelnya: pelajaran lagi, ga bsa bangkong lagi..

uh.. pengennya bubuk teyuz..


kmaren sharian q nntn DVD mlulu d rumah..
ni listny:
Billy Madison
Happy Gilmore
Devil wears Prada
Man of Honor
huuh.. bosen..

kalo ke skula bakal ga bosen, tapi bakal lbih aus..
yah.. bgitulah puasa..

:-.

di Ramadhan ini, aku punya beberapa permintaan khusus
aku pengen bisa nambah alim
bisa tambah rajin sholat
Bisa dapetin Lailatul Qadar
bisa dapetin impianku (yg ga gamungkin" amat)
Amiiin...
=)

'Oh, God, plz gimme Your love, Care, and blessings.. Lead me to Your way, Guide me always..'
Robbana aatina fiddunnya hasanah, wa fil akhiraati hasanah, waqina adzaabannaar..
Amin Yaa Robbal Alamiin..

Sampai hari ini...

Maafkan aakuu, yang tak sempurna tuk dirimu..

duh,, lagu itu nyntuh bgdd..


umm,, lot of things have happened until thistime


dari mulai selesainya aubade"an,, tampil di pentung-nya kedok, aku presentasi caket PS,, sampe Chelsea jdi pimpinan klasemen sementara...


Thank God,, aku dah mulai nemuin ritme yg pas bwd njalanin hari"q di skul..


I LOVE THIS LIFE....!!!!!!


oya,, baru" ini akuu nonton film,, judulnya EPIC MOVIE..

iih,, ntu film bnr" aneh..!!

film-paling-tidak-bertujuan-sedunia

mungkin kalo di oscar ada kategori 'film gag jelas',, tu film masuk nominasi kali yee..
segala kejadian di smw scene di film itu gag ada tujuannya...

umm,, in my mind, i have so many things i wanna do...
mlae dari ngebenahin buku"ku, baca" buku" baruq yang blum slese dibaca, ngebenahin kelas, ngebenahin ekskul, bikin film...

uuhh,,, skula aja blum bener..

agak nyimpang ne (nyimpang bgd kyknya),
i wondered, kenapa yaa, gag ada gtu cwo yang bener" pas ama aq..??
yg satu childish, yg satu nyebelin, yg satu gag berperasaan,,

oh, God..
apa aku harus bnr" nungguin Chris Richardson dateng ke Indonesia?? ato nunggu Frank Lampard putus ama tunangannya..??

huwehehe...