something about people, and their plans

for some people, plans are important. and for some others, they prefer living spontaneously.

for me? i'm a plan-ny person. i tend to plan my life, either short or long term. sometimes things happen not according to the plan, or even with no plan at all. but that's out of the plan, beyond my reach. sometimes, the whole plan has to change, because of a reason.

take one example, from the movie Life As We Know It. Holly and Messer, they had their own plans: Holly with her bakery and charming doctor and Messer with his TV thing and womanizing routines. but everything's screwed up when little Sophie comes to their lives because her parents died in a car crash. whether they want it or not, they have to include Sophie in their plans, and that pretty much changes everything. but at the end of the day, they realize that maybe those changes don't lead them to something they've wanted, but they lead to something they are supposed to be.

example two, myself. i planned to keep moving on, with my life, school, work, and from my ex. i promised myself to have everything back on track as i'd planned before: exchange, maybe some travelings, society service, graduate on time, job or master scholarship hunting, etc. until...something happened, something happened without any plan at all: i fell in love.

since i met this guy, i didn't plan to fall in love this soon, in fact, i didn't even know that i would fall in love at all, because i knew this was almost impossible! but now, things have been happening, and turns out, i love him. now, i know it, and i have to do it right. loving someone means willingly giving your heart, and it's up to them what they are gonna do with it. it means you're ready either to be hurt or healed. it means you're ready to sincerely sacrifice for them. it means you have to keep giving, even though they might not reciprocate. (at least that's what love means to me).

people can only guess, people can only plan, they know what they want, but never really know what they actually need, never really know what they are supposed to be. although now i'm starting my plans all over again, i must be ready when they might have to change for certain reasons, because i - we will never know.

Bali, and its memories

Sejak saat itu, hatiku tak mampu membayangkan rasa di antara kita..
di pasir putih, kau genggam jemari tanganku, menatap mentari yang tenggelam

Semua berlalu di balik khayalku, kenangan yang indah berdua denganmu
di Kuta Bali, kau peluk erat tubuhku, di Kuta Bali cinta kita...
bersemi dan entah kapan kembali, mewangi dan tetap akan mewangi
bersama rinduku, walau kita jauh kasih...

Suatu saat di Kuta Bali...

A quick getaway to Bali in the beginning of April, was a very first trip i didn't plan way before. It was a trip I really looked forward to but also a trip i wished i could push away at the same time. But guess what? I didn't care. The only thing i cared was i had to spend as much time as possible with you.


That night, April 3rd, my plane landed at Ngurah Rai Airport in Denpasar. I expected you to wait me there, but turned out I was the one who had to wait. I was exhausted, starved, and warmed over, and yet i still had to wait for you. For a second, i wanted to get angry and throw it all over you. But when i saw you came, guess what? Everything's wafted over me. The only thing i wanted to do was holding your hand along the way.


The next day, April 4th, we went on a long road trip on motorcycles with your, -who-became-my-, friends -too. we went to Tanah Lot, asked for blessing and spent sunset there. Pretty amazing. After dinner with Titus, your cool mate, three of us went to Kuta to enjoy the clear sky, full moon, warm breeze, and sea's salty aroma. It was very beautiful, didn't matter Titus was there, the only thing that mattered was we spent that lovely moment, together.


April 5th, another road trip to Ubud. A very intense trip, with many people joined, it was a bit tricky to be put up together. I was up the limit, i spat everything all over you, i cried and get angry, and you were the disposal. I acted stupid and irritating i knew, i was very sorry. I really wished i could turned back into those times and exchanged it for more happy time for us. I really wished i could exchanged every tear i shed for more laughter, and joyful hugs, and sweet kisses.


April 6th. We went back from Ubud to Denpasar area. We planned to do some stuffs but unfortunately, we always bailed. At the end, we almost missed the dreamland sunset, well in fact we did but we could still see it for a very short time. We went back to the hotel, you didn't look so well. You asked me to go out on a dinner for my birthday after we cleaned ourselves up. After you took a shower, you hugged me so tight, like you'd never let me go. I didn't know what was wrong until i heard you sobbed, you cried.
I went swimming then I saw you threw up, I was so scared and afraid. For a second i had no idea what to do. I gave you any kind of tablet that crossed my mind, i rubbed your stomach softly that you fell asleep. But i couldn't help myself not to cry. I didn't even care we didn't have dinner. I cried because you were sick but i had to leave very soon, so i couldn't take care of you, nobody could.


April 7th. I woke you up with my sobbing. it was 00.11. you forced yourself to wake up, calm me down, and wish me a happy birthday. you used the rest of your energy to look for a present you had prepared for me in your suitcase and give it to me. it was a balinese painting about a boy rowing a small boat to pick up someone smaller (not really clear if it's a boy/girl :p). you said, it was about a promise: you will pick me up and bring me to Germany. you told me that no matter how far, we would try to work this out together, and you told me that i was the reason why you cried before. we fell asleep holding hands. until the time for me to go had come. we went to the airport and waited for the plane. looked into each others' eyes as long as possible. and when the OTA finally called for me, i hugged and kissed you for the last time (not ever, hopefully) and whispered, wait for me in Germany, i love you. i turned my face and ran into the boarding gate. i cried in the plane while it was taking off, leaving bali, leaving you.

my heart is sinking as i'm lifting up above the clouds away from you
and i can't believe i'm leaving oh i don't know know know what i'm gonna do
but someday, i will find my way back to where your name is written in the sand...

i'd give away a thousand days oh just to have another one with you,
well real life can wait, we're crashing like waves, we're playing in the sand, holding your hand....

'cause i remember every sunset, i remember every word you said
we were never gonna say goodbye..
i remember how we first kissed, and how i didn't wanna leave your lips, and how i never ever felt so high... singing la da da da da~
tell me how to get back to, back to summer paradise with you, and i'll be there in a heartbeat

Dear Mr. September

-loving someone who doesn't love you back is sad,

but loving someone who loves you back, yet you can hardly be together is...

pathetic.-

(Olivia Enggar Tanjung, 2010)

Dear Mr. September,

it's been 5 years, since that time,

a day in the middle of September 2006

i still remember every single moment we spent,

at our high school building, its classes, its square, its balcony, its corridor

in that public van, where you confessed and asked me to be your girlfriend

at the concert hall, theater building, and a fast food restaurant

i felt like it was my first love, though it wasn't, well maybe it was, though you're not my first boyfriend

i smiled to myself everytime i read your text, or hung up the phone from you

i felt nervous when you were around

i dreamed of you, days and nights

i was so afraid of losing you

those moments ended up so soon, but not for me..

this feeling is still here, alive, all the time

although i must admit that,

it did hurt, when you ignored me

it did hurt, when you didn't seem to care anymore

it did hurt, when you didn't seem to think about me

it did hurt, to face the truth that we might never, ever, be together again

so i've been trying to get rid of this feeling

by choosing a school faraway from you

by dating few other guys

by having a lot of activities, meeting new people

but, they just never worked, they never worked like they were supposed to

it's like wherever i go, i always come back to you, eventually

Dear Mr. September,

you knew these are some words i've said to you that time, in your car

yeah, you heard me confessed

i was so nervous, still the same nervous

but i tried to be brave

because i thought, it's now or never

i didn't expect anything, i just wanted you to know

and i was so relieved and glad to finally did it

but you surprised me,

when you said you felt exactly still the same too

when you confessed you intentionally ignored me, and kept a distance

when you said you couldn't still forget me

when you said it hurt too, to see me with another guy and forgot about you

when you said you couldn't even run away from my pictures in your head

when you said, everytime you met a girl, you eventually left her and said: "she's not you"

Dear Mr. September,

i want you to know that i'm happy if you are,

i'll always pray for you,

hoping you'll find that girl, who can really make you happy as i did, or even more

hoping you'll be blessed wherever you go, whatever you do

hoping you'll find no more pain, no more tears, no more brokenheart

i want you to know that whenever you feel out of love, and nobody seems to care,

i'm always here, i never go anywhere

i want you to know that whenever you feel like you're down, cold, alone in the darkness

you always have someone to calm you down, and give warmth to your heart

i just want to ask you a small favor,

when you find that girl, please love her because she is her, not because she is (like) me

when you find that girl, don't you ever hurt her and make her sad

when you find that girl, hold her as tight as you can, never let her go

when you find that girl, make her your last, so you won't hurt her, and of course, yourself

Dear Mr. September,

i've said it but i'll say it again,

i always love you, i always will

you showed and taught me what true love is

but for now, i'm happy this way, and i know that you are too,

well, we never know what will happen in the future,

but for now, that we know each others' feelings, that's enough for me

although it's painful

with love, 'till my heart stops beating

Me

...of all the things i still remember, summer's never looked the same

years go by and time just seems to fly, but the memories remain

in the middle of september, we'd still play out in the rain

nothing to lose, but everything to gain

reflecting now on how things could have been,

it was worth it in the end...

Dear Ms. September

it was 3 years ago, the first day i met her. we were in the same class of an English course. at first i didn't feel like we would get along much well. until we were a pair our teacher set us up, and he mentioned something: "you are a Chelsea fan? well she's too!". so this all began with one thing: mutual interest.

after all, the term ended. we decided to do something together to celebrate it. so we went to a KTV and did what should be done in KTV: singing (duh!). since that time on, we noticed that we had (and remain to this day) same 'taste' of music. so this all continued with one thing: mutual hobby.

day after day, time passed away..uh, no, that's westlife's song...so, day after day, we started finding out where each others stand up. we started feeling comfortable being with each other. we shared, we cared, we laughed, we cried, we...understood. although i had been completely childish, selfish, and stupid. although we were in different world (school and work). so this all still went on with one thing: mutual understanding.

we then realized that we had similar view on most things. we wanted (and remain to this day) similar things to pursue. so this all was followed by one thing: mutual dream(s).

so, consciously or unconsciously, we've constructed things. we found out things. we feel things. those things are: love, and caring.

yes, I do love you, my bestfriend

yes, I do love you, my sister

yes, I do love you, my partner in crime

you have been my role model, you made me a better (wo)man, and you made me believe in dreams, and their power. now that we are in the middle of pursuing them, i should add this: it all remains with one thing: mutual position --> we are in the same boat

i feel so lucky, i thank God for sending you into my life, and i thank you for being....you

Happy birthday, Ms. September.

i can't say my wishes for you here, i have too many, but that doesn't mean i don't really wish them right? which actually i really do. they're here in my heart...well, in my head actually, but yes...i sincerely wish, so...in my heart

i can picture ourselves 10 years from now, still the same us, just better life, and of course, happier :)

ps. wish i could hug you

with love,

Me

we jump higher and higher, holding hands

The Last Goodbye

this is one song from my favorite singer and my perfect image of husband (:P), David Cook.

it's entitled: The Last Goodbye. This particular song kinda represents David so much. Behind its rocking-full of distortion-high beat music, the lyrics are so deep, sweet, and tears bursting. So is the video clip. Behind the hard - dark audio, the moving pictures themselves are telling us about deep regrets, sadness, desperation, and sensitive side of David. Both are reflections of David's character itself. So, it can be said that this song is so David: behind his strong - rocker appearance, he has sensitive feelings and sweet heart.

here are the lyrics:

If you hear this on the radio
Then we've already said our last goodbye
I won't be there when you get home
By now there's someone else that hears you cry
I wonder if he holds you like I did
I hope that he can love you better
Cause we were everything that's right at the wrong time

I didn't want to lose you
Leave you with a broken heart
But wherever we are, we're miles apart
I know that we tried, but this is the last goodbye
Oh, I didn't want to let you go
But wherever we are, we're miles apart
I know that we tried, but this is the last goodbye

We were almost beautiful
A broken piece of art put on display
But we were never possible
Another perfect moment thrown away
I know somebody out there will love you
They'll be the forever we never were
Cause we were everything that's right at the wrong time

I didn't want to lose you
Leave you with a broken heart
But wherever we are, we're miles apart
I know that we tried, but this is the last goodbye
Oh, I didn't want to let you go
But wherever we are, we're miles apart
I know that we tried, but this is the last goodbye

Ohhh...ohhh...ohhh
Ohhh...ohhh...ohhh
Ohhh...ohhh...ohhh

If you hear this on the radio
Then we've already said our last goodbye, our last goodbye
I didn't want to lose you
Leave you with a broken heart
But wherever we are, we're miles apart
I know that we tried, but this is the last goodbye

Ohhh...ohhh...ohhh
Ohhh...ohhh...ohhh (the last goodbye)
Ohhh...ohhh...ohhh
I know that we tried but this is the last goodbye

i'm not saying that this is the only song that represents him this way. most of his songs do. so i can proudly say that: David's got style. he does what he likes. he's being himself. that's why i love him ♥

LDR

Long Distanced-Relationship, many people don't have to ask what this term means. But for me, it means: a (romantic) relationship between a girl and a boy, and the distance between them doesn't allow them to meet constantly once in a day, or once in two days, etc. But, if you want some deeper explanation, well, for me LDR means a kind of 'test' to prove how strong the feeling and commitment a couple have. It's such a mixture of feeling, desire, and your self-control. Here are its ingredients:

1. Torturous

What do you feel when you feel lonely, and they aren't beside you, to hold you, to speak to you, to calm you, to make you laugh? What do you feel when you want to hear their voice so badly you stay up waiting for a telephone call? What do you feel when you text them asking what they're doing and they don't reply it? What do you feel when you know that they do something fun with their friends while you feel empty needing them so bad? What do you feel when you both say you miss each others so, but you can do anything?

2. Sprinkling

Then you start being mad at them, you both start blaming each other, even blaming the distance, the situation. You start having bad thoughts in your head, even saying bad words in your heart. You decide to ignore them, act like you don't need them. You want them to feel the same as you feel so badly.

3. Understanding

But then you realize, they feel lonely too sometimes, want you to hold them, make them laugh, cheer their day, but you're too busy doing your own business. You realize that they want you to call them, but you just forgot because there are too many things in your head. You realize you postpone replying their text because you're just too tired to type on your smartphone, or it's just run out of power. You realize, sometimes you leave them alone far away there while you're laughing together with your friends. You realize, they have a life too. You realize that (maybe) they feel the same.

4. Strength

Those torturous feeling now become your bestfriend. The razor feels not as sharp as before. You have a shield, you have an armor and a sword to fight them, and it's faith. Those tears and sadness are too precious to be just swept away. Suddenly the bond between you is growing stronger and hardly breakable, too many memories, too many precious things.

Sometimes, a long distance can cripple your relationship, but sometimes it can save it too. It surely depends on your faith, and your commitment. Sometimes it's torturous, but sometimes it's fun. The most important thing is, a failure, or a frustration, or a difficulty would make you learn, and be a better person.

I Don't Wanna Fight

I can't sleep, everything I ever knew is a lie without you

I can't breathe when my heart is broke in two, there's no beat without you

You're not gone but you're not here, is that the way it seems tonight?

If we could try to end these wars, I know that we could make it right

How can I live when everything that I adore and everything I'm living for is in you?

I can't dream, sleepless nights have got me bad

The only dream I've ever had, is being with you

I know that we can make it right, it's gonna take a little time

Let's not leave ourselves with no way out, let's not cross that line

'Cause baby, I don't want to fight no more, I forgot what we were fighting for

and this loneliness that's in my heart won't let me be apart from you

I don't want to have to try to live without you in my life

so I'm hoping we can start tonight, 'cause I don't want to fight no more

Remember that I made a vow, that I would never let you go

I meant it then, I mean it now, and I wanna tell you so

I don't want to fight, no more...

kiss

On a Yahoo Messenger chatting this morning…

Me : I had a dream about you last night

Him : me too.

Me : yeah? How was it?

Him : we kissed. How was yours?

Me : we kissed

hair cut

i've had so often bad hair days recently. until at some point i couldn't handle it anymore, so i decided to cut it. before that, i wanted to ask Anwar about it first.

one day, when i was chatting with him on skype, i sent him an old photo of me having short hair. after that, i asked:

me : hon, what if i cut my hair just like in that photo i've just sent to you?

him : you've cut your hair?

me : no, not yet. but i'm going to. that's why i ask you first. what do you think?

him : beautiful

me : umm, i mean, is it okay for you if i cut my hair?

him : you cut it, or you don't, just the same for me. the same beautiful.

me : *sent him a hugging emoticon*

ps. i haven't cut my hair yet by now anyway

Your Love

every time i close my eyes and say my prayer at night
i thank God each day for your love
that gives me wings to fly up high

to reach my dream aim for the sky, you always said:
your head up high, smile on your face and wish
that you will always be loved
the stars will lead you every step you take
don’t you ever be afraid, believe in you
and I’ll be there to guide you wherever you may go

thank you for your love, forever

when I am down and the things go wrong, the world against me too
I close my eyes and think of you, and knew what you would say now:

your head up high, smile on your face and wish
that you will always be loved
the stars will lead you every step you take
don’t you ever be afraid, believe in you
and I’ll be there to guide you wherever you may go

thank you for your love forever,
for giving me my wings to fly high

(Your Love, a song by Andi Rianto)

a letter for you

Yogyakarta, October 6th 2010

00.00 a.m.

Dear Kanda,

Today, we've officially been together for 4 months. It's 4. 4 months full of love, laugh, also tears. You've been making me feel perfect by being loved, even none of us is flawless.

I know that we'd been having fights recently. Each of us did stubbornly head towards our own opinion and ego. Well, I sometimes apologized, and you were sometimes back down. But i believe that it was just a cycle, the step where we were supposed to learn each other's dark side, each other's weakness, and i hope it all can make us going stronger.

Yeah, those fights are just some dropping colors of our canvas of story. They're unwanted, but they just happen and give more life to the picture drawn on the canvas. Well, that hurts sometimes, but it doesn't matter, because i know if i love you, then i should take it all no matter what.

Thanks for loving me. Thanks for giving colors to my life. Thanks for always making me feel beautiful even though you rarely said that. Thanks for being a part of me :)

Love,

Dinda

xxx

Our story, has just begun ♥

Once upon a time, i went to a beach..

sometimes alone, with a bunch of girls, or with a jackass in a form of Adam's son

Once upon a time, i stared at the evening sky..

been waiting for a star to fall, i looked at the moon it seemed always blue

Once upon a time, i woke up in the morning light..

dizzy-headed, brokenhearted

Once upon a time, i cried alone..

with no hands to hold, and no shoulder to cry on

Once upon a time, i was trapped by the past's shadows..

no changes, no directions

But,

now i go to a beach..

with my own sunset glare

now i stare at the evening sky..

and the moon had turned to gold

now i wake up in the morning light..

with a pair of wings in my chest trying to get out

now someone holds my hands..

doing the best he can not to make me cry

now i've found someone new..

with new place to go and new smile to kiss

and that someone is YOU

Take me where i've never been

Help me on my feet again

Show me that good things come to those who wait

Tell me i'm not on my own

Tell me i won't be alone

Tell me what i'm feeling isn't some mistakes

'cause if anyone can make me fall in love, YOU can

Save me from myself, YOU can

and it's YOU and no one else

If i could wish upon tomorrow,

that tonight will never end

If YOU asked me i would follow,

but for now i just pretend if anyone can make me fall in love..

YOU can

Baby when YOU look at me, tell me what do YOU see?

Are these the eyes of someone YOU could love?

'Cause everything that brought me here

well, now it all seems so clear

Baby YOU're the one that i've been dreaming of

If anyone can make me fall in love

Only YOU can take me sailing in your deepest eyes

Bring me to my knees and make me cry

and no one's ever done this, everything was just a lie

and i know.. yes i know...

that this is where it all begins, so tell me it will never end

I can't fool myself, it's YOU and no one else

If i could wish upon tomorrow,

that tonight will never end

If YOU asked me i would follow,

but for now i just pretend if anyone can make me fall in love..

YOU can..

Show me that good things come to those who wait...

(You Can - David Archuleta)

Baby thanks for all we've been having these past 3 months, until now..

thanks for understanding me, and loving me for who i am

i'll give you my best, bring you love you want, 'till you ask me to not to

I DO ♥ YOU

copied from: http://www.free-stockphotos.com/download-free-people-couple-nature-beach-stock-photo-3/

/

b.a.d d.a.y

kenapa yaa .

ini harus terjadi sama aku . . ?

di saat bunga terindah yang ada di taman hatiku ini sedang mulai mekar dan bersemi,

ia harus dipisahkan dengan pot-nya ..

walah... mbingungi malah ..

singkat cerita,, kenapa aku harus menjalani LDR ??!!!

mungkin bagi dhana yg dulu, LDR bukan masalah, bosan? cari yang baru .

tapi dhana yang sekarang ingin berubah. ingin bisa merasakan buaian kesetiaan dan pengorbanan .


bertahun-tahun aku memperjuangkan filosofi cinta, membuat kalimat-kalimat penuh kiasan yang melankolis dan menyentuh . tetapi, itu hanya akan jadi kata-kata kosong tanpa perwujudan dan kenyataan .

ternyata memang jauh lebih mudah membuat untaian kata-kata, daripada membuat untaian itu menjadi sesuatu yang bermakna dan dapat dirasakan . karena pengorbanan tak semudah menonton film TITANIC, kesetiaan tak semudah menyanyikan lagu dari JIKUSTIK, dan keikhlasan tak semudah membaca KOMIK (lho, gak nyambung)


aku akan selalu menunggunya . . .

kapankah..

Surabaya, 27 September 2007

Hari ini aku menangis,,
ketika kubuka jendela kamrku
kuhirup udara pagi dan kulihat langit yang putih pucat
sebelum sinar sang surya menggelitik panorama

alangkah indahnya hari dan damainya pagi
tapi mengapa hatiku masih tetap sendu? mendung??
luka yang menganga masih terasa..
aku butuh penyembuh
pelipur

karena
hati yang mulai sembuh
kembali terluka
cukup dalam
cukup untuk membuat air mata menetes

segala sugesti logika tak mampu menipu
tak mampu mengalihkan
bagai burung-burung
yang tak pengaruhi awan mendung
yang cacati keindahan pagi

Sampai hari ini...

Maafkan aakuu, yang tak sempurna tuk dirimu..

duh,, lagu itu nyntuh bgdd..


umm,, lot of things have happened until thistime


dari mulai selesainya aubade"an,, tampil di pentung-nya kedok, aku presentasi caket PS,, sampe Chelsea jdi pimpinan klasemen sementara...


Thank God,, aku dah mulai nemuin ritme yg pas bwd njalanin hari"q di skul..


I LOVE THIS LIFE....!!!!!!


oya,, baru" ini akuu nonton film,, judulnya EPIC MOVIE..

iih,, ntu film bnr" aneh..!!

film-paling-tidak-bertujuan-sedunia

mungkin kalo di oscar ada kategori 'film gag jelas',, tu film masuk nominasi kali yee..
segala kejadian di smw scene di film itu gag ada tujuannya...

umm,, in my mind, i have so many things i wanna do...
mlae dari ngebenahin buku"ku, baca" buku" baruq yang blum slese dibaca, ngebenahin kelas, ngebenahin ekskul, bikin film...

uuhh,,, skula aja blum bener..

agak nyimpang ne (nyimpang bgd kyknya),
i wondered, kenapa yaa, gag ada gtu cwo yang bener" pas ama aq..??
yg satu childish, yg satu nyebelin, yg satu gag berperasaan,,

oh, God..
apa aku harus bnr" nungguin Chris Richardson dateng ke Indonesia?? ato nunggu Frank Lampard putus ama tunangannya..??

huwehehe...

dari lubuk hati..

Entah,,

sudah berapa kali ku mencoba

melupakan, menghapus ingatan, membuang kenangan

tetapi tetap saja rasa itu masih membayang, menggenang-genang

sudah berapa kalihatiku membumbung tinggi, melayang

lalu terjatuh, tenggelam

berapa banyak air mata menetes,

berapa banyak janji terucap

janji untuk melupakan

tapi semakin sering kuberjanji, semakin sering pula ku ingkar

harapan samar, kekosongan,,

ambigu...

sampai kapankah??

sampai kapan luka ini harus terus menganga, menyiksa

oh,, aku rindu

aku rindu akan kehangatan, ketulusan,

yang hanya bisa kudapat darimu..

adakah kelak??

yang bisa membawanya kembali??