Dear Mr. September

-loving someone who doesn't love you back is sad,

but loving someone who loves you back, yet you can hardly be together is...

pathetic.-

(Olivia Enggar Tanjung, 2010)

Dear Mr. September,

it's been 5 years, since that time,

a day in the middle of September 2006

i still remember every single moment we spent,

at our high school building, its classes, its square, its balcony, its corridor

in that public van, where you confessed and asked me to be your girlfriend

at the concert hall, theater building, and a fast food restaurant

i felt like it was my first love, though it wasn't, well maybe it was, though you're not my first boyfriend

i smiled to myself everytime i read your text, or hung up the phone from you

i felt nervous when you were around

i dreamed of you, days and nights

i was so afraid of losing you

those moments ended up so soon, but not for me..

this feeling is still here, alive, all the time

although i must admit that,

it did hurt, when you ignored me

it did hurt, when you didn't seem to care anymore

it did hurt, when you didn't seem to think about me

it did hurt, to face the truth that we might never, ever, be together again

so i've been trying to get rid of this feeling

by choosing a school faraway from you

by dating few other guys

by having a lot of activities, meeting new people

but, they just never worked, they never worked like they were supposed to

it's like wherever i go, i always come back to you, eventually

Dear Mr. September,

you knew these are some words i've said to you that time, in your car

yeah, you heard me confessed

i was so nervous, still the same nervous

but i tried to be brave

because i thought, it's now or never

i didn't expect anything, i just wanted you to know

and i was so relieved and glad to finally did it

but you surprised me,

when you said you felt exactly still the same too

when you confessed you intentionally ignored me, and kept a distance

when you said you couldn't still forget me

when you said it hurt too, to see me with another guy and forgot about you

when you said you couldn't even run away from my pictures in your head

when you said, everytime you met a girl, you eventually left her and said: "she's not you"

Dear Mr. September,

i want you to know that i'm happy if you are,

i'll always pray for you,

hoping you'll find that girl, who can really make you happy as i did, or even more

hoping you'll be blessed wherever you go, whatever you do

hoping you'll find no more pain, no more tears, no more brokenheart

i want you to know that whenever you feel out of love, and nobody seems to care,

i'm always here, i never go anywhere

i want you to know that whenever you feel like you're down, cold, alone in the darkness

you always have someone to calm you down, and give warmth to your heart

i just want to ask you a small favor,

when you find that girl, please love her because she is her, not because she is (like) me

when you find that girl, don't you ever hurt her and make her sad

when you find that girl, hold her as tight as you can, never let her go

when you find that girl, make her your last, so you won't hurt her, and of course, yourself

Dear Mr. September,

i've said it but i'll say it again,

i always love you, i always will

you showed and taught me what true love is

but for now, i'm happy this way, and i know that you are too,

well, we never know what will happen in the future,

but for now, that we know each others' feelings, that's enough for me

although it's painful

with love, 'till my heart stops beating

Me

...of all the things i still remember, summer's never looked the same

years go by and time just seems to fly, but the memories remain

in the middle of september, we'd still play out in the rain

nothing to lose, but everything to gain

reflecting now on how things could have been,

it was worth it in the end...

Dear Ms. September

it was 3 years ago, the first day i met her. we were in the same class of an English course. at first i didn't feel like we would get along much well. until we were a pair our teacher set us up, and he mentioned something: "you are a Chelsea fan? well she's too!". so this all began with one thing: mutual interest.

after all, the term ended. we decided to do something together to celebrate it. so we went to a KTV and did what should be done in KTV: singing (duh!). since that time on, we noticed that we had (and remain to this day) same 'taste' of music. so this all continued with one thing: mutual hobby.

day after day, time passed away..uh, no, that's westlife's song...so, day after day, we started finding out where each others stand up. we started feeling comfortable being with each other. we shared, we cared, we laughed, we cried, we...understood. although i had been completely childish, selfish, and stupid. although we were in different world (school and work). so this all still went on with one thing: mutual understanding.

we then realized that we had similar view on most things. we wanted (and remain to this day) similar things to pursue. so this all was followed by one thing: mutual dream(s).

so, consciously or unconsciously, we've constructed things. we found out things. we feel things. those things are: love, and caring.

yes, I do love you, my bestfriend

yes, I do love you, my sister

yes, I do love you, my partner in crime

you have been my role model, you made me a better (wo)man, and you made me believe in dreams, and their power. now that we are in the middle of pursuing them, i should add this: it all remains with one thing: mutual position --> we are in the same boat

i feel so lucky, i thank God for sending you into my life, and i thank you for being....you

Happy birthday, Ms. September.

i can't say my wishes for you here, i have too many, but that doesn't mean i don't really wish them right? which actually i really do. they're here in my heart...well, in my head actually, but yes...i sincerely wish, so...in my heart

i can picture ourselves 10 years from now, still the same us, just better life, and of course, happier :)

ps. wish i could hug you

with love,

Me

we jump higher and higher, holding hands

The Last Goodbye

this is one song from my favorite singer and my perfect image of husband (:P), David Cook.

it's entitled: The Last Goodbye. This particular song kinda represents David so much. Behind its rocking-full of distortion-high beat music, the lyrics are so deep, sweet, and tears bursting. So is the video clip. Behind the hard - dark audio, the moving pictures themselves are telling us about deep regrets, sadness, desperation, and sensitive side of David. Both are reflections of David's character itself. So, it can be said that this song is so David: behind his strong - rocker appearance, he has sensitive feelings and sweet heart.

here are the lyrics:

If you hear this on the radio
Then we've already said our last goodbye
I won't be there when you get home
By now there's someone else that hears you cry
I wonder if he holds you like I did
I hope that he can love you better
Cause we were everything that's right at the wrong time

I didn't want to lose you
Leave you with a broken heart
But wherever we are, we're miles apart
I know that we tried, but this is the last goodbye
Oh, I didn't want to let you go
But wherever we are, we're miles apart
I know that we tried, but this is the last goodbye

We were almost beautiful
A broken piece of art put on display
But we were never possible
Another perfect moment thrown away
I know somebody out there will love you
They'll be the forever we never were
Cause we were everything that's right at the wrong time

I didn't want to lose you
Leave you with a broken heart
But wherever we are, we're miles apart
I know that we tried, but this is the last goodbye
Oh, I didn't want to let you go
But wherever we are, we're miles apart
I know that we tried, but this is the last goodbye

Ohhh...ohhh...ohhh
Ohhh...ohhh...ohhh
Ohhh...ohhh...ohhh

If you hear this on the radio
Then we've already said our last goodbye, our last goodbye
I didn't want to lose you
Leave you with a broken heart
But wherever we are, we're miles apart
I know that we tried, but this is the last goodbye

Ohhh...ohhh...ohhh
Ohhh...ohhh...ohhh (the last goodbye)
Ohhh...ohhh...ohhh
I know that we tried but this is the last goodbye

i'm not saying that this is the only song that represents him this way. most of his songs do. so i can proudly say that: David's got style. he does what he likes. he's being himself. that's why i love him ♥

mbribik itu asik

mbribik.

kosakata yang menurut gue lucu dan catchy, padahal juga baru tau artinya beberapa bulan yang lalu.

emang ngga ada sih di KBBI, karena emang kata ini bukan bahasa Indonesia. dibilang bahasa jawa, juga bukan, soalnya kayaknya ngga ada di KBBJ (kamus besar bahasa jawa), apalagi KBBA (kamus besar bahasa alay). jadi, mbribik ini kayak bahasa slang-nya anak2 di jogja, yang artinya more or less hampir sama kayak open relationship (bukan, bukan HTS, tapi lebih ke TTM kali ya :D), tapi lebih ke arah yg santai dan having fun aja menurut definisi gue. tapi kalo definisi umumnya sih ya lebih ke 'naksir-naksiran' ato 'ngecengin' gitu lah.

kosa kata itu emang lagi happening banget diomongin kalo pas gue lagi nggosip bareng temen2. ngga cuma itu, kosa kata itu juga lagi happening di kehidupan sosial gue.

jadi, sepanjang semester ini gue ngikutin cukup banyak kegiatan yang mengharuskan gue ketemu sama banyak orang - orang baru. mulai dari nge-EO DBL jogja, kerja di expansion AIESEC UGM (yang membuat gue harus ikut national conference di puncak), sampe ikutan forum budaya se-ASEAN. sepanjang kegiatan - kegiatan itu, pasti lah gue punya banyak kenalan baru. dan emang dasar sifat gue, gampang enjoy sama orang dan anxious kalo ketemu orang baru, daaaaaaan jadinya (bukannya ge-er) ada beberapa yang berekspektasi sama gue, dan LAGI-LAGI gue enjoy dan ngeladenin aja ahahaha.

perasaan kalo lagi mbribik itu yaaa gitu deh, kayak kalo lagi PDKT. deg-deg serr, penuh tanda tanya dan bunga - bunga (apa deh). dan asiknya, mbribik versi gue kan open relationship, jadinya belom ada komitmen dan berarti gue masih free! sehinggaaaa, gue bisa bebas mau mbribik berapa orang pun ahahahaha. nggak ada yang berhak ngelarang-larang dan cemburu dan segepok peraturan yang mengikat. misalnya, kalo satu bribikan lagi sibuk, gue bisa 'ditemenin' bribikan yg lain, begitu seterusnya. so goodbye loneliness! :))

lebih asik lagi kalo punya bribikan dari berbagai macam latar belakang. misalnya kita sebut bribikan pertama = B1 dst. B1: mahasiswa S2 yg penggila film, duda beranak 2 tapi berjiwa muda. B2: cowok jerman petualang yg kuliah teknik otomotif, kerjaannya hiking, climbing, dll. B3: cowok turki super ganteng umur 21 taun yang penuh kejutan (hahaha, sempet ngajak nikah) B4: cowok filipina yang baik banget, suaranya bikin leleh kalo pas nyanyi dan suka musik pop.

dari berbagai latar belakang itu kita jadi bisa memahami karakter-karakter orang lebih variatif, lebih luas juga pengetahuan kita, lebih bisa berkomunikasi dari A-Z, lebih bisa melihat sesuatu dari berbagai sudut pandang, bikin kita jadi orang yang lebih fleksibel dan open-minded.

cuman, gue tau gue harus ati2 dalam proyek bribikan ini (ceileh, apadeh). jangan sampe gue terjerumus sama peraturan yang gue buat sendiri. kalo emang niat mbribik ya mbribik aja, kalo ke arah yang serius, ntar dulu, udah beda sphere dan ceritanya lagi. gue juga baru aja putus kan, masih pengen bebenah dulu, pengen menikmati jomblo dulu, dan pengen menikmati asiknya mbribik :D

Nothing Lasts Forever - Maroon 5

when things got complicated, and our faith started disappearing

when it was not just between you and me anymore

i decided to let go

left our 320 paged-story book, and wrote 'That's All, Folks' in the last page

It is so easy to see
Dysfunction between you and me
We must free up these tired souls
Before the sadness gets us both

I tried and tried to let you know
I love you but I'm letting go
It may not last but I don't know
Just don't know

If you don't know then you can't care
And I show up but you're not there
But I'm waiting and you want to
Still afraid that I will desert you

Everyday with every word whispered
We get more far away
The distance between us makes it so hard to stay
But nothing last forever but be honest, babe
It hurts but it may be the only way

A web that's warm with memories
Can heal us temporarily
The misbehaving all it makes
The ditch between us so damn deep

Built a wall around my heart
Never let it fall apart
Strangely I wish secretly
It won't fall down while I'm asleep

But we have not hit the ground
Doesn't mean we're not still falling
I want so bad to pick you up
But you're still too reluctant to accept my help

What a shame
I hope you find somewhere
To place the blame
But until then the fact remains

Everyday with every word whispered
We get more far away
The distance between us makes it so hard to stay
Nothing last forever, but be honest, babe
It hurts but it may be the only way

i wrote a small note on the bottom of that page:

ps. i hope we're good, and happy

To. Mr. R

who had filled my hazy days with his sparks

you'll always be a piece of memory in mind

untitled

have you ever been in the middle of the crowds yet you still felt alone?

have you ever been brought somewhere by destiny yet then ended up by saying to yourself: this is not my world, i shouldn't be here?

have you ever realized that you don't belong somewhere?

have you ever done something really seriously, you sacrificed many things, yet you were not appreciated?

have you ever been betrayed by people you used to trust?

have you ever caused something wrong, then been blamed, yet you felt so depressed and treated unfairly because you thought it was not purely your mistake?

have you ever chosen a path that excited and amused you for a while, but in the end you realized it was wrong and you regretted it?

have you ever been trying to find some different places, but you kept being lost and lost again?

have you ever felt that the whole world just blamed you and had nowhere to run?

have you ever felt that bad things always happened to you, that made you ask: WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME??

I have, I have ever experienced all the things above.. I have stumbled, fallen.. I have been stabbed in the back, I have been pushed around, I have been hurt, I have been lost, I have been somewhere with no one's there for me..

Just some little experiences I guess.. Some stories to share, some stories about life, some stories about living in this simple life..

Yeah, it is so simple..

Sometimes it sucks, then you die.. so simple..

People are complicated. People make structure, make classes, make differences among them, yet they don't want to be differed in the end?

People are greedy and selfish. People keep telling others to care one another, to help, yet they are always stuck in their own world, mind their own business, blinded by the word: MYSELF?

People are lack of know-how. People study about paradigm, culture, religion, belief, norms, values, yet they keep insulting one and others? treating others badly? In the wrong way?

There are still many things I don't understand in this world, still many places I have never been to, still so many people I don't know..

But I believe, those little experiences I got, can make me stronger, can make me braver to face this world I know, can make me a better one..

"When we were five, they asked us what we wanted to be when we grew up. Our answers were things like astronaut, president, or in my case… a princess.

When we were ten, they asked again and we answered - rock star, cowboy, or in my case, a gold medalist. But now that we've grown up, they want a serious answer. Well, how 'bout this: who the hell knows?!

This isn't the time to make hard and fast decisions, this is the time to make mistakes. Take the wrong train and get stuck somewhere. Fall in love - a lot. Major in philosophy 'cause there's no way to make a career out of that. Change your mind. Then change it again, because nothing is permanent.

So make as many mistakes as you can. That way, someday, when they ask again what we want to be… we won't have to guess. We'll know." Jessica Stanley - Twilight Saga Eclipse (2010)

LDR

Long Distanced-Relationship, many people don't have to ask what this term means. But for me, it means: a (romantic) relationship between a girl and a boy, and the distance between them doesn't allow them to meet constantly once in a day, or once in two days, etc. But, if you want some deeper explanation, well, for me LDR means a kind of 'test' to prove how strong the feeling and commitment a couple have. It's such a mixture of feeling, desire, and your self-control. Here are its ingredients:

1. Torturous

What do you feel when you feel lonely, and they aren't beside you, to hold you, to speak to you, to calm you, to make you laugh? What do you feel when you want to hear their voice so badly you stay up waiting for a telephone call? What do you feel when you text them asking what they're doing and they don't reply it? What do you feel when you know that they do something fun with their friends while you feel empty needing them so bad? What do you feel when you both say you miss each others so, but you can do anything?

2. Sprinkling

Then you start being mad at them, you both start blaming each other, even blaming the distance, the situation. You start having bad thoughts in your head, even saying bad words in your heart. You decide to ignore them, act like you don't need them. You want them to feel the same as you feel so badly.

3. Understanding

But then you realize, they feel lonely too sometimes, want you to hold them, make them laugh, cheer their day, but you're too busy doing your own business. You realize that they want you to call them, but you just forgot because there are too many things in your head. You realize you postpone replying their text because you're just too tired to type on your smartphone, or it's just run out of power. You realize, sometimes you leave them alone far away there while you're laughing together with your friends. You realize, they have a life too. You realize that (maybe) they feel the same.

4. Strength

Those torturous feeling now become your bestfriend. The razor feels not as sharp as before. You have a shield, you have an armor and a sword to fight them, and it's faith. Those tears and sadness are too precious to be just swept away. Suddenly the bond between you is growing stronger and hardly breakable, too many memories, too many precious things.

Sometimes, a long distance can cripple your relationship, but sometimes it can save it too. It surely depends on your faith, and your commitment. Sometimes it's torturous, but sometimes it's fun. The most important thing is, a failure, or a frustration, or a difficulty would make you learn, and be a better person.