i don't regret this life i chose for me

at some points in my life, i do feel that i was lucky (as in good lucky).

-first- during elementary school, i was a straight A's student, i never got down from my rank. 1 crown every year. my mom said it all was because i happen to be a nerd back then. i liked reading more than anything. i also won some art and academic competitions pretty often, so no wonder i became a favorite student.

..until the time had come for me to graduate and go to middle school. since i got pretty high grades, my parents gave me full 'authority' to choose whether i wanted to go to public or private school. i chose to go to public school although my primary school was a private one, and by all means i was 'forced' to get out of my comfort zone.

...if i had chosen private school, i wouldn't have to struggle so hard to adapt, i would have been able to maintain my top rank title, and so on...

...but i don't regret that i chose public school instead. i became somebody who's not afraid of trying something new, i became a brave and confident girl, and i became someone who can tolerate differences...

-second- i graduated middle school with outstanding grades, which gave me very easy path to be gotten in between 3 most favorite high school in the city. the first one is prominent in academic, the second one is popular among high class families, and the third one is prominent either in academic or non-academic, yet not considered as 'high class' school. i chose the third one although most of my mid-school mates went to the first or second one, which means i had to get out of my comfort zone, again.

...if i had chosen the first school, i would have been able to get in acceleration class, which could get me through high school in only 2 years. if i had chosen the second school, i could have gotten into the most popular kids community in town, and so on...

...but i don't regret that i chose the third school instead. it wasn't like i took everything for granted, but everything just ran almost so smoothly for me. i was able to explore and develop myself in my own way, i won some trophies, i met my first love, i was the prom queen, and i've got a lot of nice friends who wouldn't tackle you because they felt threatened by your intelligence, nor would bully you because you were a weirdo, nor would lick your ass for being so wealthy or popular. i got to become more myself

-third- i think luck played its biggest part in this moment. i tried to apply to three different 'ivy league' universities. after completed the admission tests, i happened to be gotten in two of them. the first one is like 'Indonesian Harvard' - the oldest and the most notable university, the second one is the most popular in the province, which almost all of my high school mates had always been dreaming of. eventually, i chose the first one although it means i had to move 300 kms away from my city and live alone by myself, get out of my comfort zone, over again.

...if i had chosen the second university, i could have been able to live easily in my parents' house, drive a car to school. i could've kept in touch with my high school mates and Mr. S, and so on...

...but i don't regret that i chose to go to my university now. i got to meet people from all over the country. i got bigger opportunity to join international events and experiences just like i always wanted. i got to be able to live independently, struggle and survive in someone else's city

-and now- i was selected to be the recipient of Endeavor Scholarship of Australian Government to do an exchange study in The University of Adelaide. which made me have to spend one semester in Adelaide and study in completely different system and environment, again, out of my comfort zone.

...if i had chosen not to go, i could've been able to take the same courses as my mates back home, be with them in study/task group. i would've been able to start my society service next year, together with my class year mates. and i would've been able to graduate on time, i could've still been able to eat cheap and yummy spicy food everyday, and so on...

...but i don't regret that i chose to go. i got to meet hundreds new friends from all over the world. i got the opportunity to deal with differences and diversities. i got to try new dishes from countries i never imagined of...Germany, Korea, Vietnam, Greece, Egypt, Portugal, France, Mexico, Country American, Indian, Carribean, etc...my mind has become more opened, more mature. i got to find myself, find out what i want, where i stand, and where i should go in life. i learned to struggle and survive in someone else's country, although it's always been so hard as hell.

you can always achieve more, if you're brave enough to get out of your comfort zone

life is all about choosing, not adding (Syafrizal, 2010), and i don't regret this life i chose for me :)

be careful what you wish for, 'cause you just might get it all

do you know something that gives us power to stay alive? to live our life day by day even if it's rough, messy, random, and unpredictable? it is dream, it is hope. well, at least it is in my case.

i don't know exactly how my parents raised me, but when i was young, i always liked to have imaginations. sometimes stupid, impossible, silly, or even overrated. now that i've grown up, i still like imagining, or daydreaming, but a little more realistic and possible ones, and i don't just dream about the dreams themselves, but also about my plans, my journey to reach them.

and that's what keeping me alive, giving me power to keep doing what i do, to keep waiting until the sun sets at the dusk and rises again at the dawn. injecting me with confidence everytime i try a chance out.

these dreams i pursue,well, each of them leads me to the biggest one.

oh, in case i haven't mentioned it, which i actually haven't, my biggest dream is stepping to every borders gate around the world. long story short, i want to explore every continent on planet earth. well, because i wasn't born to a royal family who rule a country or to a diplomat parent or to a worldwide businessman or a rockstar or because i wasn't born in a rich and superpower country, i have to make my own way to do that. i'm never sick of searching opportunities, trying out. i failed couple times, but i didn't stop there, i keep trying.

so far, i've been to 12 cities in 6 countries in 3 continents, not without difficulties though.

so now, at this point, i realize that dreams do come true, with several conditions:

1. if you believe

2. if you keep believing

3. if you never stop believing

because once you've believed, you always put it on your mind, it's planted down your deepest mind. so whatever you do, it leads you to it.

therefore, you've got to be careful of what you ever wish for. i was not careful once, so this all (is) happen(ing) to me:

when i was 16, i won my first scholarship abroad. i had a short course in Perth, Australia to study English. i was so excited, i was overwhelmed, back then, i said to myself that i would go back there again.

...and now, here i am. typing a posting in a warm bedroom on one of the driest inhabitant in the world, a country which is a franchise of The Great Britain, home of livestock farmers, charming surfers, and the aboriginals: Australia. i came back in almost 4 years after since, and again, not without difficulties

i'm not saying that this is a bad thing. this is a fantastic thing instead. i'm just saying that the power of dream is so strong, and sometimes unpredictable. so if you want to dream, dream big or don't dream at all ;)