The Reason Why The Dutch Act The Way They Do

People with different nationalities can be defined by their traits. Those traits are determined by several factors, from cultural to historical, and philosophical to natural. Although it might sound stereotyping, but it is generally true, based on my experience having friends from different parts of the world. Let’s take a few examples here. The Germans, they are straightforward, adventurous, and cold. Japanese, they’re hardworking, strict, and innovative. What about the Dutch? Before I answer that, let me tell you my personal story about getting along with Dutch people. I remember the time when I was doing one semester abroad in a university in Australia, I had several Dutch friends. As personal, for sure they were different from each others. But as we see their similarities, we can pull out one line that they complain a lot, they do not want to miss any chance, they always ask why or how if there is anything wrong or does not meet their expectations. At first we may feel those things are quite annoying, because they even complain things about us! If we act like we don’t care, we could just say: ‘it’s not all about you, dude! Care a little!’, and leave them. But actually, I was curious why on earth Dutch people are basically like that. And there was where I began my little ‘research’. I tried to guess what sort of reason could make them act the way they do. I indeed knew that back home, they are not very rich as in the size of the country, nor their natural resources such as mining, plantations, and some others. But as we all know, they are quite a developed country now. So I tried to combine those ideas and I found myself arrived to the point that in Holland, Dutch people live in such a small country with limited possibilities, so they have to always come up with anything to survive and to be able to keep up with other countries. That way they have become very critical about anything, because they have been raised and even educated not to stay silent if there is a problem or something which is not right. As we can see, they have invented some strategies to solve their problems: the dams for their below – sea – surface land, building cities over by the canals for transportation, controlling water, and defense reasons, polderlandschap mechanism for their infertile soils, etc. In fact, their limited resources urge them to always be creative and proactive people. It is such an opposite towards the situation in Indonesia. We have a very big area of land and water, we have fertile soils, plentiful mining resources, and millions of human potential. We just never bother to use them wisely, to invent things to make us even richer, or to build up some strategies to preserve and maintain these resources we have, and these conditions, are exactly the reason why Indonesian people in general act lazy, reactive, and lack of innovations. We may dislike the Dutch somehow for invading our country for more than 350 years, but we cannot deny that, we need to learn from them for this matter.

something about people, and their plans

for some people, plans are important. and for some others, they prefer living spontaneously.

for me? i'm a plan-ny person. i tend to plan my life, either short or long term. sometimes things happen not according to the plan, or even with no plan at all. but that's out of the plan, beyond my reach. sometimes, the whole plan has to change, because of a reason.

take one example, from the movie Life As We Know It. Holly and Messer, they had their own plans: Holly with her bakery and charming doctor and Messer with his TV thing and womanizing routines. but everything's screwed up when little Sophie comes to their lives because her parents died in a car crash. whether they want it or not, they have to include Sophie in their plans, and that pretty much changes everything. but at the end of the day, they realize that maybe those changes don't lead them to something they've wanted, but they lead to something they are supposed to be.

example two, myself. i planned to keep moving on, with my life, school, work, and from my ex. i promised myself to have everything back on track as i'd planned before: exchange, maybe some travelings, society service, graduate on time, job or master scholarship hunting, etc. until...something happened, something happened without any plan at all: i fell in love.

since i met this guy, i didn't plan to fall in love this soon, in fact, i didn't even know that i would fall in love at all, because i knew this was almost impossible! but now, things have been happening, and turns out, i love him. now, i know it, and i have to do it right. loving someone means willingly giving your heart, and it's up to them what they are gonna do with it. it means you're ready either to be hurt or healed. it means you're ready to sincerely sacrifice for them. it means you have to keep giving, even though they might not reciprocate. (at least that's what love means to me).

people can only guess, people can only plan, they know what they want, but never really know what they actually need, never really know what they are supposed to be. although now i'm starting my plans all over again, i must be ready when they might have to change for certain reasons, because i - we will never know.

Bali, and its memories

Sejak saat itu, hatiku tak mampu membayangkan rasa di antara kita..
di pasir putih, kau genggam jemari tanganku, menatap mentari yang tenggelam

Semua berlalu di balik khayalku, kenangan yang indah berdua denganmu
di Kuta Bali, kau peluk erat tubuhku, di Kuta Bali cinta kita...
bersemi dan entah kapan kembali, mewangi dan tetap akan mewangi
bersama rinduku, walau kita jauh kasih...

Suatu saat di Kuta Bali...

A quick getaway to Bali in the beginning of April, was a very first trip i didn't plan way before. It was a trip I really looked forward to but also a trip i wished i could push away at the same time. But guess what? I didn't care. The only thing i cared was i had to spend as much time as possible with you.


That night, April 3rd, my plane landed at Ngurah Rai Airport in Denpasar. I expected you to wait me there, but turned out I was the one who had to wait. I was exhausted, starved, and warmed over, and yet i still had to wait for you. For a second, i wanted to get angry and throw it all over you. But when i saw you came, guess what? Everything's wafted over me. The only thing i wanted to do was holding your hand along the way.


The next day, April 4th, we went on a long road trip on motorcycles with your, -who-became-my-, friends -too. we went to Tanah Lot, asked for blessing and spent sunset there. Pretty amazing. After dinner with Titus, your cool mate, three of us went to Kuta to enjoy the clear sky, full moon, warm breeze, and sea's salty aroma. It was very beautiful, didn't matter Titus was there, the only thing that mattered was we spent that lovely moment, together.


April 5th, another road trip to Ubud. A very intense trip, with many people joined, it was a bit tricky to be put up together. I was up the limit, i spat everything all over you, i cried and get angry, and you were the disposal. I acted stupid and irritating i knew, i was very sorry. I really wished i could turned back into those times and exchanged it for more happy time for us. I really wished i could exchanged every tear i shed for more laughter, and joyful hugs, and sweet kisses.


April 6th. We went back from Ubud to Denpasar area. We planned to do some stuffs but unfortunately, we always bailed. At the end, we almost missed the dreamland sunset, well in fact we did but we could still see it for a very short time. We went back to the hotel, you didn't look so well. You asked me to go out on a dinner for my birthday after we cleaned ourselves up. After you took a shower, you hugged me so tight, like you'd never let me go. I didn't know what was wrong until i heard you sobbed, you cried.
I went swimming then I saw you threw up, I was so scared and afraid. For a second i had no idea what to do. I gave you any kind of tablet that crossed my mind, i rubbed your stomach softly that you fell asleep. But i couldn't help myself not to cry. I didn't even care we didn't have dinner. I cried because you were sick but i had to leave very soon, so i couldn't take care of you, nobody could.


April 7th. I woke you up with my sobbing. it was 00.11. you forced yourself to wake up, calm me down, and wish me a happy birthday. you used the rest of your energy to look for a present you had prepared for me in your suitcase and give it to me. it was a balinese painting about a boy rowing a small boat to pick up someone smaller (not really clear if it's a boy/girl :p). you said, it was about a promise: you will pick me up and bring me to Germany. you told me that no matter how far, we would try to work this out together, and you told me that i was the reason why you cried before. we fell asleep holding hands. until the time for me to go had come. we went to the airport and waited for the plane. looked into each others' eyes as long as possible. and when the OTA finally called for me, i hugged and kissed you for the last time (not ever, hopefully) and whispered, wait for me in Germany, i love you. i turned my face and ran into the boarding gate. i cried in the plane while it was taking off, leaving bali, leaving you.

my heart is sinking as i'm lifting up above the clouds away from you
and i can't believe i'm leaving oh i don't know know know what i'm gonna do
but someday, i will find my way back to where your name is written in the sand...

i'd give away a thousand days oh just to have another one with you,
well real life can wait, we're crashing like waves, we're playing in the sand, holding your hand....

'cause i remember every sunset, i remember every word you said
we were never gonna say goodbye..
i remember how we first kissed, and how i didn't wanna leave your lips, and how i never ever felt so high... singing la da da da da~
tell me how to get back to, back to summer paradise with you, and i'll be there in a heartbeat

Surprising Sydney (day 2)

Hostel Surprise
Second day in Sydney, began with a breakfast of canned spaghetti and tuna and a pack-me-up luggage. Yeah, again, we had to pack our luggage 'cause we were still in status quo of accommodation. brought or luggage downstairs, we went to the reception desk. but it seemed like the british girl had been replaced by an irish guy for that shift. so i guessed i had to explain the circumstances all over again.

me: hi, good morning
IG: hey, how can i help you?
me: uh... *explaining the problem*
IG: okay, let me check if we can get you any room for tonight *browsing browsing*
me: *crossing fingers*
IG: i'm terribly sorry but i guess we don't have any more available room for today. however, we may give you a free spare room for one night but you have to move again tomorrow morning
me: seriously?
IG: we're very sorry
me: okay then, as long as we won't be stranded on the street
IG: uh, wait let me check something though *calling somebody on the phone*
me: *poker face*
IG: well! we can get you a room for two! a private room you have your own shower, you don't have to check out-and-back-in again until your last day of staying
me: uh, but our budgets are only for dorm...
IG: doesn't matter, you only pay for your reservation, 4 people dorm, right? this is a complimentary from us
me: *happily surprised, but didn't show it on my face* ah, okay then, thank you so much!
IG: here are your keys. sorry for all the inconvenience, have a pleasurable staying.

so, puput and i went back upstairs, put our stuffs in the room and then released all of our 'postponed' screams. HOW LUCKY WAS THAT? a double private room for $160/night became $50/night for both of us!

2nd Day City Tour
However, we couldn't be spending the whole day just screaming and couch potato-ing in the room couldn't we? We had the whole city to explore! So we got out and started our day-2 journey. We had planned to explore the western part of the city that day, including Paddy's Market, IMAX theatre, and we wanted to tour museum to museum using my ISIC card so that we could have a discount.

According to the guide, we could take a Sydney free shuttle to get to Paddy's at Haymarket. The weather was not so nice, it was rather cloudy and windy, with 80% chance of rain. So indoor activity was preferred. When we got there, it started drizzling already, so we decided to check inside the market...but...the checking plan turned into SHOPPING plan which actually was supposed to be last thing to do in the day. and for the result, we carried the shopping bags along for the rest of the day.

after shopping, we decided to check on the nearest museum from Haymarket, which was Powerhouse Museum. when we got there, a sign surprised us: Welcome to Harry Potter: The Exhibition. OMG! we were wondering where this exhibition was and now it was right in front of us! after a thoughtful discussion, we decided to attend the exhibition although it was pretty pricey: $32. Since it was such a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity knowing we were in Sydney when it was being held and we thought it must be impossible for such event to go be held in Indonesia.

so, we automatically canceled the museum tour for Harry Potter's sake, and it was way worthier. well, i'm a huge fan, so..








we visited the IMAX theatre afterwards. The theatre has the largest screen in the world. we didn't realize that the back door of the theatre goes through to Darling Harbor which is again, Opera House complex. but we went up to the pedestrian bridge instead and walked through the city center to browse around real quick. The city center was real big, with many high class brand stores. It was full of people, cars, and crowds, but still less crazy than Jakarta. Of course, some people think Sydney is bigger than Jakarta. Well maybe it is more popular, but not bigger at all. Jakarta is currently number 6 biggest city and largest metropolitan area in the world after Tokyo, Seoul, Mexico City, New York, and Mumbai. But don't get me wrong,that actually what made me like Sydney way better than Jakarta: a big city which doesn't exhaust you (but maybe your wallet ;p).






Night 'Out' with Harry
I did say I browsed the city real quick, and get home, because in the evening i planned to meet up with Harry, a friend i knew in Adelaide.

We met up at King's Cross area and headed to a jazz club called Fishbowl nearby. He ordered two pints for us, it was too late for me to say i don't really like beer but the bartender gave us anyway. when it came to pay time, for an unknown reason, Harry's credit card didn't work. he tried it for several times, but same result. we both got no cash, so we decided to cancel the club thingy and went around the city instead, and ended up at Harry's apartment.

He lived in a really nice apartment, with its own swimming pool and gym, and he said he lived there for totally free. The company where he works for paid for it, such a lucky young man! He cooked me a delicious dinner and we talked until it was over midnight. he asked me to stay overnight 'cause it was still raining outside and pretty dangerous. of course, that was Sydney at 2 am Saturday, and my hostel located in a 'dark' area, so i, decided to stay.

Surprising Sydney (day 1)

During my stay in Australia, I didn't travel a lot. I just visited couple of big cities such as Melbourne and Sydney (since I've already been to Perth, 4 years ago, I didn't go there again). Since my story in Melbourne was less interesting than Sydney, so I'm gonna write about my magical trip in Sydney first.

So, Sydney was pretty much my stopover from Adelaide to Jakarta, only it took 5 days lag. I took off Adelaide on November 24th after a rushing lift from my bern-bern (from home to airport), and arrived in Sydney in 2.5 hours-ish). I was so lucky that I didn't overweigh my checked baggage, although my cabin baggage clearly exceeded the allowance (but nobody cared, so..). I met Puput at the carousel and we went to the hostel together (after 1 hour waiting for the shuttle picking us up), with lots of baggage i supposed we looked like total weirdo asians.

long story short, we arrived at the hostel. we went to the reception desk straightaway and (expect to) make a quick check in. so, i will illustrate the check in process in dialogues.

me: hello
receptionist: hi, how can i help you?
me: uh, we already made a booking via hostelclub.com under my name, my last name is Fahadi
r: ok, lemme check
*5 mins awkward silence*
r: uh, it seems like we cannot find your name, so i think hostelclub made a mistake, you were not enlisted as out guests
me: *shocked* what do you mean? i have the booking itinerary, here you go *showing the email on my blackberry*
r: yeah i got that, this isn't your fault, but also not ours. however i'll try to find you guys a room for tonight although i can't guarantee you can stay there as long as you've planned, 4 nights right?
me: yes *straight face*
*more awkward silence*
r: right! we found you a room for 4 people, so you're gonna pay for that price, is that okay?
puput: yeah, better than being hostel-less
r: ok, so blah-blah-blah *explaining the key deposhit, and other shits*

still shocked, we went upstairs (to the 2nd floor without elevator -- aussie's 2nd floor is american 3rd floor) with our huge bags and suitcases and got into the room. the room was decent, actually better than the room i had in Melbourne. we had couple hours of nap and whatnot, and then we were getting ready to go exploring the city. first day's plan: royal botanic garden and general area of circular quay (opera house, etc).

when we were about to go outside the hostel, we were trying to check the map to show us which direction we should take, and then this Hungarian man looked (had been looking, actually) at us and,

Hungsarian man: hey girls, you look lost
putri and I: *grinned, chuckled*
putri's and my mind: we ARE lost, dear sir, what do you expect?

(another) long story short, we got to the circular quay. as soon as we saw the Opera House, we chocked, well--I chocked, could hardly breathe, like, I was seeing something I only got to see in pictures or TV. I guess Puput's feeling is not that different from mine, well maybe even more overwhelmed: she studies architecture, so Opera House for her was like Hollywood for those who studies arts/acting/filmography. It was Australia, at the end of spring, and I still wore late winter coat!!! Because it was cloudy with bits of rain and stuff, but we didn't care, we took pics and whatnot and enjoyed our first day of living the dream :)









Well, at least that was the moments we could get to forget about the shocking hostel booking-fiasco and have fun.

i don't regret this life i chose for me

at some points in my life, i do feel that i was lucky (as in good lucky).

-first- during elementary school, i was a straight A's student, i never got down from my rank. 1 crown every year. my mom said it all was because i happen to be a nerd back then. i liked reading more than anything. i also won some art and academic competitions pretty often, so no wonder i became a favorite student.

..until the time had come for me to graduate and go to middle school. since i got pretty high grades, my parents gave me full 'authority' to choose whether i wanted to go to public or private school. i chose to go to public school although my primary school was a private one, and by all means i was 'forced' to get out of my comfort zone.

...if i had chosen private school, i wouldn't have to struggle so hard to adapt, i would have been able to maintain my top rank title, and so on...

...but i don't regret that i chose public school instead. i became somebody who's not afraid of trying something new, i became a brave and confident girl, and i became someone who can tolerate differences...

-second- i graduated middle school with outstanding grades, which gave me very easy path to be gotten in between 3 most favorite high school in the city. the first one is prominent in academic, the second one is popular among high class families, and the third one is prominent either in academic or non-academic, yet not considered as 'high class' school. i chose the third one although most of my mid-school mates went to the first or second one, which means i had to get out of my comfort zone, again.

...if i had chosen the first school, i would have been able to get in acceleration class, which could get me through high school in only 2 years. if i had chosen the second school, i could have gotten into the most popular kids community in town, and so on...

...but i don't regret that i chose the third school instead. it wasn't like i took everything for granted, but everything just ran almost so smoothly for me. i was able to explore and develop myself in my own way, i won some trophies, i met my first love, i was the prom queen, and i've got a lot of nice friends who wouldn't tackle you because they felt threatened by your intelligence, nor would bully you because you were a weirdo, nor would lick your ass for being so wealthy or popular. i got to become more myself

-third- i think luck played its biggest part in this moment. i tried to apply to three different 'ivy league' universities. after completed the admission tests, i happened to be gotten in two of them. the first one is like 'Indonesian Harvard' - the oldest and the most notable university, the second one is the most popular in the province, which almost all of my high school mates had always been dreaming of. eventually, i chose the first one although it means i had to move 300 kms away from my city and live alone by myself, get out of my comfort zone, over again.

...if i had chosen the second university, i could have been able to live easily in my parents' house, drive a car to school. i could've kept in touch with my high school mates and Mr. S, and so on...

...but i don't regret that i chose to go to my university now. i got to meet people from all over the country. i got bigger opportunity to join international events and experiences just like i always wanted. i got to be able to live independently, struggle and survive in someone else's city

-and now- i was selected to be the recipient of Endeavor Scholarship of Australian Government to do an exchange study in The University of Adelaide. which made me have to spend one semester in Adelaide and study in completely different system and environment, again, out of my comfort zone.

...if i had chosen not to go, i could've been able to take the same courses as my mates back home, be with them in study/task group. i would've been able to start my society service next year, together with my class year mates. and i would've been able to graduate on time, i could've still been able to eat cheap and yummy spicy food everyday, and so on...

...but i don't regret that i chose to go. i got to meet hundreds new friends from all over the world. i got the opportunity to deal with differences and diversities. i got to try new dishes from countries i never imagined of...Germany, Korea, Vietnam, Greece, Egypt, Portugal, France, Mexico, Country American, Indian, Carribean, etc...my mind has become more opened, more mature. i got to find myself, find out what i want, where i stand, and where i should go in life. i learned to struggle and survive in someone else's country, although it's always been so hard as hell.

you can always achieve more, if you're brave enough to get out of your comfort zone

life is all about choosing, not adding (Syafrizal, 2010), and i don't regret this life i chose for me :)

be careful what you wish for, 'cause you just might get it all

do you know something that gives us power to stay alive? to live our life day by day even if it's rough, messy, random, and unpredictable? it is dream, it is hope. well, at least it is in my case.

i don't know exactly how my parents raised me, but when i was young, i always liked to have imaginations. sometimes stupid, impossible, silly, or even overrated. now that i've grown up, i still like imagining, or daydreaming, but a little more realistic and possible ones, and i don't just dream about the dreams themselves, but also about my plans, my journey to reach them.

and that's what keeping me alive, giving me power to keep doing what i do, to keep waiting until the sun sets at the dusk and rises again at the dawn. injecting me with confidence everytime i try a chance out.

these dreams i pursue,well, each of them leads me to the biggest one.

oh, in case i haven't mentioned it, which i actually haven't, my biggest dream is stepping to every borders gate around the world. long story short, i want to explore every continent on planet earth. well, because i wasn't born to a royal family who rule a country or to a diplomat parent or to a worldwide businessman or a rockstar or because i wasn't born in a rich and superpower country, i have to make my own way to do that. i'm never sick of searching opportunities, trying out. i failed couple times, but i didn't stop there, i keep trying.

so far, i've been to 12 cities in 6 countries in 3 continents, not without difficulties though.

so now, at this point, i realize that dreams do come true, with several conditions:

1. if you believe

2. if you keep believing

3. if you never stop believing

because once you've believed, you always put it on your mind, it's planted down your deepest mind. so whatever you do, it leads you to it.

therefore, you've got to be careful of what you ever wish for. i was not careful once, so this all (is) happen(ing) to me:

when i was 16, i won my first scholarship abroad. i had a short course in Perth, Australia to study English. i was so excited, i was overwhelmed, back then, i said to myself that i would go back there again.

...and now, here i am. typing a posting in a warm bedroom on one of the driest inhabitant in the world, a country which is a franchise of The Great Britain, home of livestock farmers, charming surfers, and the aboriginals: Australia. i came back in almost 4 years after since, and again, not without difficulties

i'm not saying that this is a bad thing. this is a fantastic thing instead. i'm just saying that the power of dream is so strong, and sometimes unpredictable. so if you want to dream, dream big or don't dream at all ;)

Dear Mr. September

-loving someone who doesn't love you back is sad,

but loving someone who loves you back, yet you can hardly be together is...

pathetic.-

(Olivia Enggar Tanjung, 2010)

Dear Mr. September,

it's been 5 years, since that time,

a day in the middle of September 2006

i still remember every single moment we spent,

at our high school building, its classes, its square, its balcony, its corridor

in that public van, where you confessed and asked me to be your girlfriend

at the concert hall, theater building, and a fast food restaurant

i felt like it was my first love, though it wasn't, well maybe it was, though you're not my first boyfriend

i smiled to myself everytime i read your text, or hung up the phone from you

i felt nervous when you were around

i dreamed of you, days and nights

i was so afraid of losing you

those moments ended up so soon, but not for me..

this feeling is still here, alive, all the time

although i must admit that,

it did hurt, when you ignored me

it did hurt, when you didn't seem to care anymore

it did hurt, when you didn't seem to think about me

it did hurt, to face the truth that we might never, ever, be together again

so i've been trying to get rid of this feeling

by choosing a school faraway from you

by dating few other guys

by having a lot of activities, meeting new people

but, they just never worked, they never worked like they were supposed to

it's like wherever i go, i always come back to you, eventually

Dear Mr. September,

you knew these are some words i've said to you that time, in your car

yeah, you heard me confessed

i was so nervous, still the same nervous

but i tried to be brave

because i thought, it's now or never

i didn't expect anything, i just wanted you to know

and i was so relieved and glad to finally did it

but you surprised me,

when you said you felt exactly still the same too

when you confessed you intentionally ignored me, and kept a distance

when you said you couldn't still forget me

when you said it hurt too, to see me with another guy and forgot about you

when you said you couldn't even run away from my pictures in your head

when you said, everytime you met a girl, you eventually left her and said: "she's not you"

Dear Mr. September,

i want you to know that i'm happy if you are,

i'll always pray for you,

hoping you'll find that girl, who can really make you happy as i did, or even more

hoping you'll be blessed wherever you go, whatever you do

hoping you'll find no more pain, no more tears, no more brokenheart

i want you to know that whenever you feel out of love, and nobody seems to care,

i'm always here, i never go anywhere

i want you to know that whenever you feel like you're down, cold, alone in the darkness

you always have someone to calm you down, and give warmth to your heart

i just want to ask you a small favor,

when you find that girl, please love her because she is her, not because she is (like) me

when you find that girl, don't you ever hurt her and make her sad

when you find that girl, hold her as tight as you can, never let her go

when you find that girl, make her your last, so you won't hurt her, and of course, yourself

Dear Mr. September,

i've said it but i'll say it again,

i always love you, i always will

you showed and taught me what true love is

but for now, i'm happy this way, and i know that you are too,

well, we never know what will happen in the future,

but for now, that we know each others' feelings, that's enough for me

although it's painful

with love, 'till my heart stops beating

Me

...of all the things i still remember, summer's never looked the same

years go by and time just seems to fly, but the memories remain

in the middle of september, we'd still play out in the rain

nothing to lose, but everything to gain

reflecting now on how things could have been,

it was worth it in the end...

Dear Ms. September

it was 3 years ago, the first day i met her. we were in the same class of an English course. at first i didn't feel like we would get along much well. until we were a pair our teacher set us up, and he mentioned something: "you are a Chelsea fan? well she's too!". so this all began with one thing: mutual interest.

after all, the term ended. we decided to do something together to celebrate it. so we went to a KTV and did what should be done in KTV: singing (duh!). since that time on, we noticed that we had (and remain to this day) same 'taste' of music. so this all continued with one thing: mutual hobby.

day after day, time passed away..uh, no, that's westlife's song...so, day after day, we started finding out where each others stand up. we started feeling comfortable being with each other. we shared, we cared, we laughed, we cried, we...understood. although i had been completely childish, selfish, and stupid. although we were in different world (school and work). so this all still went on with one thing: mutual understanding.

we then realized that we had similar view on most things. we wanted (and remain to this day) similar things to pursue. so this all was followed by one thing: mutual dream(s).

so, consciously or unconsciously, we've constructed things. we found out things. we feel things. those things are: love, and caring.

yes, I do love you, my bestfriend

yes, I do love you, my sister

yes, I do love you, my partner in crime

you have been my role model, you made me a better (wo)man, and you made me believe in dreams, and their power. now that we are in the middle of pursuing them, i should add this: it all remains with one thing: mutual position --> we are in the same boat

i feel so lucky, i thank God for sending you into my life, and i thank you for being....you

Happy birthday, Ms. September.

i can't say my wishes for you here, i have too many, but that doesn't mean i don't really wish them right? which actually i really do. they're here in my heart...well, in my head actually, but yes...i sincerely wish, so...in my heart

i can picture ourselves 10 years from now, still the same us, just better life, and of course, happier :)

ps. wish i could hug you

with love,

Me

we jump higher and higher, holding hands

The Last Goodbye

this is one song from my favorite singer and my perfect image of husband (:P), David Cook.

it's entitled: The Last Goodbye. This particular song kinda represents David so much. Behind its rocking-full of distortion-high beat music, the lyrics are so deep, sweet, and tears bursting. So is the video clip. Behind the hard - dark audio, the moving pictures themselves are telling us about deep regrets, sadness, desperation, and sensitive side of David. Both are reflections of David's character itself. So, it can be said that this song is so David: behind his strong - rocker appearance, he has sensitive feelings and sweet heart.

here are the lyrics:

If you hear this on the radio
Then we've already said our last goodbye
I won't be there when you get home
By now there's someone else that hears you cry
I wonder if he holds you like I did
I hope that he can love you better
Cause we were everything that's right at the wrong time

I didn't want to lose you
Leave you with a broken heart
But wherever we are, we're miles apart
I know that we tried, but this is the last goodbye
Oh, I didn't want to let you go
But wherever we are, we're miles apart
I know that we tried, but this is the last goodbye

We were almost beautiful
A broken piece of art put on display
But we were never possible
Another perfect moment thrown away
I know somebody out there will love you
They'll be the forever we never were
Cause we were everything that's right at the wrong time

I didn't want to lose you
Leave you with a broken heart
But wherever we are, we're miles apart
I know that we tried, but this is the last goodbye
Oh, I didn't want to let you go
But wherever we are, we're miles apart
I know that we tried, but this is the last goodbye

Ohhh...ohhh...ohhh
Ohhh...ohhh...ohhh
Ohhh...ohhh...ohhh

If you hear this on the radio
Then we've already said our last goodbye, our last goodbye
I didn't want to lose you
Leave you with a broken heart
But wherever we are, we're miles apart
I know that we tried, but this is the last goodbye

Ohhh...ohhh...ohhh
Ohhh...ohhh...ohhh (the last goodbye)
Ohhh...ohhh...ohhh
I know that we tried but this is the last goodbye

i'm not saying that this is the only song that represents him this way. most of his songs do. so i can proudly say that: David's got style. he does what he likes. he's being himself. that's why i love him ♥

mbribik itu asik

mbribik.

kosakata yang menurut gue lucu dan catchy, padahal juga baru tau artinya beberapa bulan yang lalu.

emang ngga ada sih di KBBI, karena emang kata ini bukan bahasa Indonesia. dibilang bahasa jawa, juga bukan, soalnya kayaknya ngga ada di KBBJ (kamus besar bahasa jawa), apalagi KBBA (kamus besar bahasa alay). jadi, mbribik ini kayak bahasa slang-nya anak2 di jogja, yang artinya more or less hampir sama kayak open relationship (bukan, bukan HTS, tapi lebih ke TTM kali ya :D), tapi lebih ke arah yg santai dan having fun aja menurut definisi gue. tapi kalo definisi umumnya sih ya lebih ke 'naksir-naksiran' ato 'ngecengin' gitu lah.

kosa kata itu emang lagi happening banget diomongin kalo pas gue lagi nggosip bareng temen2. ngga cuma itu, kosa kata itu juga lagi happening di kehidupan sosial gue.

jadi, sepanjang semester ini gue ngikutin cukup banyak kegiatan yang mengharuskan gue ketemu sama banyak orang - orang baru. mulai dari nge-EO DBL jogja, kerja di expansion AIESEC UGM (yang membuat gue harus ikut national conference di puncak), sampe ikutan forum budaya se-ASEAN. sepanjang kegiatan - kegiatan itu, pasti lah gue punya banyak kenalan baru. dan emang dasar sifat gue, gampang enjoy sama orang dan anxious kalo ketemu orang baru, daaaaaaan jadinya (bukannya ge-er) ada beberapa yang berekspektasi sama gue, dan LAGI-LAGI gue enjoy dan ngeladenin aja ahahaha.

perasaan kalo lagi mbribik itu yaaa gitu deh, kayak kalo lagi PDKT. deg-deg serr, penuh tanda tanya dan bunga - bunga (apa deh). dan asiknya, mbribik versi gue kan open relationship, jadinya belom ada komitmen dan berarti gue masih free! sehinggaaaa, gue bisa bebas mau mbribik berapa orang pun ahahahaha. nggak ada yang berhak ngelarang-larang dan cemburu dan segepok peraturan yang mengikat. misalnya, kalo satu bribikan lagi sibuk, gue bisa 'ditemenin' bribikan yg lain, begitu seterusnya. so goodbye loneliness! :))

lebih asik lagi kalo punya bribikan dari berbagai macam latar belakang. misalnya kita sebut bribikan pertama = B1 dst. B1: mahasiswa S2 yg penggila film, duda beranak 2 tapi berjiwa muda. B2: cowok jerman petualang yg kuliah teknik otomotif, kerjaannya hiking, climbing, dll. B3: cowok turki super ganteng umur 21 taun yang penuh kejutan (hahaha, sempet ngajak nikah) B4: cowok filipina yang baik banget, suaranya bikin leleh kalo pas nyanyi dan suka musik pop.

dari berbagai latar belakang itu kita jadi bisa memahami karakter-karakter orang lebih variatif, lebih luas juga pengetahuan kita, lebih bisa berkomunikasi dari A-Z, lebih bisa melihat sesuatu dari berbagai sudut pandang, bikin kita jadi orang yang lebih fleksibel dan open-minded.

cuman, gue tau gue harus ati2 dalam proyek bribikan ini (ceileh, apadeh). jangan sampe gue terjerumus sama peraturan yang gue buat sendiri. kalo emang niat mbribik ya mbribik aja, kalo ke arah yang serius, ntar dulu, udah beda sphere dan ceritanya lagi. gue juga baru aja putus kan, masih pengen bebenah dulu, pengen menikmati jomblo dulu, dan pengen menikmati asiknya mbribik :D

Nothing Lasts Forever - Maroon 5

when things got complicated, and our faith started disappearing

when it was not just between you and me anymore

i decided to let go

left our 320 paged-story book, and wrote 'That's All, Folks' in the last page

It is so easy to see
Dysfunction between you and me
We must free up these tired souls
Before the sadness gets us both

I tried and tried to let you know
I love you but I'm letting go
It may not last but I don't know
Just don't know

If you don't know then you can't care
And I show up but you're not there
But I'm waiting and you want to
Still afraid that I will desert you

Everyday with every word whispered
We get more far away
The distance between us makes it so hard to stay
But nothing last forever but be honest, babe
It hurts but it may be the only way

A web that's warm with memories
Can heal us temporarily
The misbehaving all it makes
The ditch between us so damn deep

Built a wall around my heart
Never let it fall apart
Strangely I wish secretly
It won't fall down while I'm asleep

But we have not hit the ground
Doesn't mean we're not still falling
I want so bad to pick you up
But you're still too reluctant to accept my help

What a shame
I hope you find somewhere
To place the blame
But until then the fact remains

Everyday with every word whispered
We get more far away
The distance between us makes it so hard to stay
Nothing last forever, but be honest, babe
It hurts but it may be the only way

i wrote a small note on the bottom of that page:

ps. i hope we're good, and happy

To. Mr. R

who had filled my hazy days with his sparks

you'll always be a piece of memory in mind

untitled

have you ever been in the middle of the crowds yet you still felt alone?

have you ever been brought somewhere by destiny yet then ended up by saying to yourself: this is not my world, i shouldn't be here?

have you ever realized that you don't belong somewhere?

have you ever done something really seriously, you sacrificed many things, yet you were not appreciated?

have you ever been betrayed by people you used to trust?

have you ever caused something wrong, then been blamed, yet you felt so depressed and treated unfairly because you thought it was not purely your mistake?

have you ever chosen a path that excited and amused you for a while, but in the end you realized it was wrong and you regretted it?

have you ever been trying to find some different places, but you kept being lost and lost again?

have you ever felt that the whole world just blamed you and had nowhere to run?

have you ever felt that bad things always happened to you, that made you ask: WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME??

I have, I have ever experienced all the things above.. I have stumbled, fallen.. I have been stabbed in the back, I have been pushed around, I have been hurt, I have been lost, I have been somewhere with no one's there for me..

Just some little experiences I guess.. Some stories to share, some stories about life, some stories about living in this simple life..

Yeah, it is so simple..

Sometimes it sucks, then you die.. so simple..

People are complicated. People make structure, make classes, make differences among them, yet they don't want to be differed in the end?

People are greedy and selfish. People keep telling others to care one another, to help, yet they are always stuck in their own world, mind their own business, blinded by the word: MYSELF?

People are lack of know-how. People study about paradigm, culture, religion, belief, norms, values, yet they keep insulting one and others? treating others badly? In the wrong way?

There are still many things I don't understand in this world, still many places I have never been to, still so many people I don't know..

But I believe, those little experiences I got, can make me stronger, can make me braver to face this world I know, can make me a better one..

"When we were five, they asked us what we wanted to be when we grew up. Our answers were things like astronaut, president, or in my case… a princess.

When we were ten, they asked again and we answered - rock star, cowboy, or in my case, a gold medalist. But now that we've grown up, they want a serious answer. Well, how 'bout this: who the hell knows?!

This isn't the time to make hard and fast decisions, this is the time to make mistakes. Take the wrong train and get stuck somewhere. Fall in love - a lot. Major in philosophy 'cause there's no way to make a career out of that. Change your mind. Then change it again, because nothing is permanent.

So make as many mistakes as you can. That way, someday, when they ask again what we want to be… we won't have to guess. We'll know." Jessica Stanley - Twilight Saga Eclipse (2010)

LDR

Long Distanced-Relationship, many people don't have to ask what this term means. But for me, it means: a (romantic) relationship between a girl and a boy, and the distance between them doesn't allow them to meet constantly once in a day, or once in two days, etc. But, if you want some deeper explanation, well, for me LDR means a kind of 'test' to prove how strong the feeling and commitment a couple have. It's such a mixture of feeling, desire, and your self-control. Here are its ingredients:

1. Torturous

What do you feel when you feel lonely, and they aren't beside you, to hold you, to speak to you, to calm you, to make you laugh? What do you feel when you want to hear their voice so badly you stay up waiting for a telephone call? What do you feel when you text them asking what they're doing and they don't reply it? What do you feel when you know that they do something fun with their friends while you feel empty needing them so bad? What do you feel when you both say you miss each others so, but you can do anything?

2. Sprinkling

Then you start being mad at them, you both start blaming each other, even blaming the distance, the situation. You start having bad thoughts in your head, even saying bad words in your heart. You decide to ignore them, act like you don't need them. You want them to feel the same as you feel so badly.

3. Understanding

But then you realize, they feel lonely too sometimes, want you to hold them, make them laugh, cheer their day, but you're too busy doing your own business. You realize that they want you to call them, but you just forgot because there are too many things in your head. You realize you postpone replying their text because you're just too tired to type on your smartphone, or it's just run out of power. You realize, sometimes you leave them alone far away there while you're laughing together with your friends. You realize, they have a life too. You realize that (maybe) they feel the same.

4. Strength

Those torturous feeling now become your bestfriend. The razor feels not as sharp as before. You have a shield, you have an armor and a sword to fight them, and it's faith. Those tears and sadness are too precious to be just swept away. Suddenly the bond between you is growing stronger and hardly breakable, too many memories, too many precious things.

Sometimes, a long distance can cripple your relationship, but sometimes it can save it too. It surely depends on your faith, and your commitment. Sometimes it's torturous, but sometimes it's fun. The most important thing is, a failure, or a frustration, or a difficulty would make you learn, and be a better person.

a call

(I happen to study in the city near to the most active volcano in the world: Merapi. At the moment, my 2nd year, which is 2010, the volcano has been on critical status, yes, about to throw its content up. Well, I, who happen to be interested in photography recently, captured the pic of the erupting volcano one day, and post it to twitpic.com. After that, a lady from CNN asked me to upload that pic and the story to CNN's web. Since then, I've been reporting the most recent news about merapi.)

tonight, my phone rang.

me : Hello?

a guy : Hi, is this Prasakti?

me : uh, yes?

a guy : Hi! this is David from CNN. i would like to ask you some questions

about Merapi that you've just posted in our website

me : OK

David: bla-bla-bla...

*confidential conversation*

me : blah..

David: ok so, how old are you?

me : um, nineteen

David: so you're a student then? what do you study?

me : communication study

David: what, is it like journalism or something?

me : oh yeah, it's about media and journalism.

David : wow, great. actually this is the first time i've ever spoken to a student,

and from Indonesia.

me : yeah? thanks!

David : well, i appreciate your kindness to share with us, good luck for your

study and becareful

me : ok sure

David : thank you, bye

me : thank you

^^

I Don't Wanna Fight

I can't sleep, everything I ever knew is a lie without you

I can't breathe when my heart is broke in two, there's no beat without you

You're not gone but you're not here, is that the way it seems tonight?

If we could try to end these wars, I know that we could make it right

How can I live when everything that I adore and everything I'm living for is in you?

I can't dream, sleepless nights have got me bad

The only dream I've ever had, is being with you

I know that we can make it right, it's gonna take a little time

Let's not leave ourselves with no way out, let's not cross that line

'Cause baby, I don't want to fight no more, I forgot what we were fighting for

and this loneliness that's in my heart won't let me be apart from you

I don't want to have to try to live without you in my life

so I'm hoping we can start tonight, 'cause I don't want to fight no more

Remember that I made a vow, that I would never let you go

I meant it then, I mean it now, and I wanna tell you so

I don't want to fight, no more...

My Favorite Quotes

'love is sincerity, loving is happiness, and being loved is perfection .' (myself - 2007) 'cinta itu anugrah, ia adalah air sejuk di kala hatimu kering, ia adalah selimut di kala hatimu dingin, dan ia adalah bunga di taman hatimu' (myself - 2007) 'semakin sering jatuh , semakin tidak takut sakit' (Dao Ming Shi, Meteor Garden 2 - 2005) 'baru jadi manusia saja sudah sombong' (Karyo/Alm.Basuki, Si Doel Anak Gedongan - 2007) 'is it not enough, just to have a long and happy life with me ?' (Edward Cullen, Twilight - 2008) seseorang tidak akan pernah bangkit jika ia tidak pernah jatuh (take me out bachelor - 2009) 'kata orang, jomblo itu pertanda ngga laku, tapi kalo kataku, justru dari jomblo itulah kita bisa tau seberapa lakunya kita' (Rizky Irsandi - 2009) 'cost and worth are really different things' (Luke Brandon, Confessions Of A Shopaholic - 2009) '...cause i know, if i love you, then i should let you move on...' (Mike O'Donnell - 17Again, 2009) i would rather do nothing and be happy, than do something that i don't love (Jack Fuller, What Happens in Vegas - 2008) 'everything is insignificant, but it doesn't matter, at least you do it, because if you don't, who will?' (Tyler Hawkins, Remember Me - 2010) 'aku tidak ingin mengetahui lebih dari apa yg perlu kuketahui (Charlie Swan, Breaking Dawn - 2008) karena sesuatu yg tidak kauketahui tidak akan melukaimu (anonymous)' 'So, you were a friend of her grandmother's, or something like that?' 'Something like that' (The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, 2009) 'It's not kinda weird, right?' 'No, zero weirdness' (Twilight, 2008) 'my dream man is someone who is smart, sexy, never fails me, treats me like his princess, composes me romantic lullabies, sweeps off my feet and leads me up the stairwell. but, you're a lot better then that dream man, because you're real.' (myself - 2010. Inspired by: 500 Days Of Summer, 2009)

kiss

On a Yahoo Messenger chatting this morning…

Me : I had a dream about you last night

Him : me too.

Me : yeah? How was it?

Him : we kissed. How was yours?

Me : we kissed

hair cut

i've had so often bad hair days recently. until at some point i couldn't handle it anymore, so i decided to cut it. before that, i wanted to ask Anwar about it first.

one day, when i was chatting with him on skype, i sent him an old photo of me having short hair. after that, i asked:

me : hon, what if i cut my hair just like in that photo i've just sent to you?

him : you've cut your hair?

me : no, not yet. but i'm going to. that's why i ask you first. what do you think?

him : beautiful

me : umm, i mean, is it okay for you if i cut my hair?

him : you cut it, or you don't, just the same for me. the same beautiful.

me : *sent him a hugging emoticon*

ps. i haven't cut my hair yet by now anyway

Your Love

every time i close my eyes and say my prayer at night
i thank God each day for your love
that gives me wings to fly up high

to reach my dream aim for the sky, you always said:
your head up high, smile on your face and wish
that you will always be loved
the stars will lead you every step you take
don’t you ever be afraid, believe in you
and I’ll be there to guide you wherever you may go

thank you for your love, forever

when I am down and the things go wrong, the world against me too
I close my eyes and think of you, and knew what you would say now:

your head up high, smile on your face and wish
that you will always be loved
the stars will lead you every step you take
don’t you ever be afraid, believe in you
and I’ll be there to guide you wherever you may go

thank you for your love forever,
for giving me my wings to fly high

(Your Love, a song by Andi Rianto)