Dear Mr. September

-loving someone who doesn't love you back is sad,

but loving someone who loves you back, yet you can hardly be together is...

pathetic.-

(Olivia Enggar Tanjung, 2010)

Dear Mr. September,

it's been 5 years, since that time,

a day in the middle of September 2006

i still remember every single moment we spent,

at our high school building, its classes, its square, its balcony, its corridor

in that public van, where you confessed and asked me to be your girlfriend

at the concert hall, theater building, and a fast food restaurant

i felt like it was my first love, though it wasn't, well maybe it was, though you're not my first boyfriend

i smiled to myself everytime i read your text, or hung up the phone from you

i felt nervous when you were around

i dreamed of you, days and nights

i was so afraid of losing you

those moments ended up so soon, but not for me..

this feeling is still here, alive, all the time

although i must admit that,

it did hurt, when you ignored me

it did hurt, when you didn't seem to care anymore

it did hurt, when you didn't seem to think about me

it did hurt, to face the truth that we might never, ever, be together again

so i've been trying to get rid of this feeling

by choosing a school faraway from you

by dating few other guys

by having a lot of activities, meeting new people

but, they just never worked, they never worked like they were supposed to

it's like wherever i go, i always come back to you, eventually

Dear Mr. September,

you knew these are some words i've said to you that time, in your car

yeah, you heard me confessed

i was so nervous, still the same nervous

but i tried to be brave

because i thought, it's now or never

i didn't expect anything, i just wanted you to know

and i was so relieved and glad to finally did it

but you surprised me,

when you said you felt exactly still the same too

when you confessed you intentionally ignored me, and kept a distance

when you said you couldn't still forget me

when you said it hurt too, to see me with another guy and forgot about you

when you said you couldn't even run away from my pictures in your head

when you said, everytime you met a girl, you eventually left her and said: "she's not you"

Dear Mr. September,

i want you to know that i'm happy if you are,

i'll always pray for you,

hoping you'll find that girl, who can really make you happy as i did, or even more

hoping you'll be blessed wherever you go, whatever you do

hoping you'll find no more pain, no more tears, no more brokenheart

i want you to know that whenever you feel out of love, and nobody seems to care,

i'm always here, i never go anywhere

i want you to know that whenever you feel like you're down, cold, alone in the darkness

you always have someone to calm you down, and give warmth to your heart

i just want to ask you a small favor,

when you find that girl, please love her because she is her, not because she is (like) me

when you find that girl, don't you ever hurt her and make her sad

when you find that girl, hold her as tight as you can, never let her go

when you find that girl, make her your last, so you won't hurt her, and of course, yourself

Dear Mr. September,

i've said it but i'll say it again,

i always love you, i always will

you showed and taught me what true love is

but for now, i'm happy this way, and i know that you are too,

well, we never know what will happen in the future,

but for now, that we know each others' feelings, that's enough for me

although it's painful

with love, 'till my heart stops beating

Me

...of all the things i still remember, summer's never looked the same

years go by and time just seems to fly, but the memories remain

in the middle of september, we'd still play out in the rain

nothing to lose, but everything to gain

reflecting now on how things could have been,

it was worth it in the end...